What to do 2

[DnJ]

Hello Mike

Am I wrong to not want her talking to men I don't know about our personal business, again?

Short answer: Yes

Moderately longer answer: Yes and no.

Let’s explore this:

First off, be accurate with what you are asking yourself. Your mind is listening.

“Am I wrong to not want her talking to men…”. Your wants are not wrong. You are free to want whatever you like. Action and words are what’s truly accountable.

By the way, it’s clearer - Am I wrong to not want her not talking to men…”. That is what you “not” want. I’m not being the grammar police here, it’s just muddying up the waters keeps your mind tangled for longer is all.

Now the real crux of this, remove your wants.

Is it wrong for her to talk to men I don’t know.

No.

She is free to talk whomever she wishes to. You do not get veto power. Nor control over that.

I know it's controlling but it's the exact scenario that led to the A.

Usually everything after “but” is one justifying what they already know is not the right path.

“I know it’s controlling but it's the exact scenario that led to the A.”

At work, another truck driver, I don't know him, and talking about our personal business.

Another truck driver. Similar behaviours. Doesn’t automatically mean similar results. You are being triggered to expect similar results.

She may stray, she may not. Nothing has changed from any other day. Knowing or not knowing she is speaking with men doesn’t really alter anything.

Personal business. It would be nice if she wasn’t blabbing about that. Again, cannot control what she does. If an opportunity arises you could ask her to use more discretion and not discuss your married life. That is much better than asking her to quit her job.

Regaining trust after its broken like in betrayal is a difficult road. So many questions and worries and doubts floating about. Look away from that, and deal with what is before you.

She needs to demonstrate trustworthiness to reestablish trust. That requires giving her the benefit of the doubt, to do that. You, the betrayed, have to extend the olive branch. And keep you heart soft and squishy, and focus on you, and GAL, and so on. I get it. You’re hurt and healing, and it’s unfair to be saddled with the lion’s share of this.

She, on her own accord, needs to walk away from the forbidden fruit. The more she’s told no, the more she’ll desire it.

Also, I'll say it for you- shut up and stop talking.

Lol.

You do not want to add pressure to her already addled mind.

Keep the questions for later. There will be a time for them. Interestingly, the burning questions you presently have, those answers you so are seeking - in time become less important. In fact, lots of this becomes just a blip on one’s radar. Eventually. The review mirror is small and the windshield is big. Where would you like to look most often?

Answers will present themselves when you are calm. And many of those meaningful answers are for questions you don’t even realize you have and are asking. A bit of a spoiler: The answers are more about you than her.

D