Nothing new to report. Everything has basically been at a stand still. Haven't heard anything about the D papers, nothing about the apartment she supposedly applied for, nothing at all. The weekend went well. I got to spend a ton of time with the kids and with family. We weren't really home all weekend between activities and family time. W was pretty much gone from Fri night until Sun afternoon. Her older cousin stole her for bday stuff for most of the weekend.
I'm going solo to Thanksgiving with my family this year, which will be interesting. Not really looking forward to missing this day with the kids, but it is what it is. W has been very friendly the past several days. I'm still keeping my distance. W is buying matching Xmas outfits for this Friday. One of our traditions is to cut our Xmas tree and hang out all day decorating for Xmas on the day after Thanksgiving. It didn't seem right to stop doing that for several reasons all involving the kids, so we're continuing with it this year.
I did have some thoughts yesterday morning that took a few hours to shake. I'm reading DR again and I was reading the chapter on infidelity. I started thinking about the email W sent me about how we agreed to a separation and that I said she was free to make her own choices. I'm not sure what part of DR triggered these thoughts, but I started questioning things. I know W is using this to justify her actions. She believes that we are separated right now and can do whatever we want. I am forced to accept a separation I don't want and try and decide what I will or won't accept while we go through this. If she honestly believes we are no longer together, does it still constitute infidelity? And what impact does that have on anything that I'm doing? I'm not sure it makes a difference either way. It doesn't change the betrayal, hurt, affect on the family or actions that I should be taking. I think it was more just me trying to view things from her perspective. I shook those thoughts and went on with my day and had a lot of fun.
Today I took the day off to watch the World Cup game with D18 and some of her soccer team. I have IC later also. I originally told W that I'd get back to her about the D papers in 1-2 weeks. That time would be this week. I doesn't feel right to ignore it since I told W when I would respond to them, but I'm not sure exactly how I plan to approach the situation. I think I will basically tell her what I've said previously. I've spent a lot of time thinking about this and I still do not wish to D, but I won't stand in her way. If there are documents that she needs that she cannot access, I will provide those, but I will not be filling anything out for her. I'll discuss this with my IC also, but not sure how much help he will be.
Another random side note, D18 was on W's laptop that she was guarding like Ft. Knox until a few days ago and my email was open on it. She doesn't have the password so I think it is either linked to me signing in somewhere else, or I didn't log out of the email app, which I don't think I even used on that computer. I'm not sure. The only thing I wouldn't have wanted her to see were some payment and general information forms the L sent last week in my junk mail. I'll change the password again and get a new email address for any future things like this, but I am curious if she saw it. She didn't say anything and I haven't said anything either.
