Seperation approaching

[BL42]

JackyJoe,

Sorry about your situation, it's good you posted - there are a lot of people here who know what you're going through and want to help.

You may consider moving your thread to the Newcomers space which is more active and you may get more response.

Make sure you read all the welcome resources and other people's threads and the more you post the more people will chime in with support and advice.

Im new here to the forum, my W recently asked me for a divorce in a span of 4 weeks it came up twice and yesterday we decided that seperation is best for now.

When you say "we decided"...is it mutual? It sounds like she decided and you want to work on things.

We have 2 children of 4 and 7.

That's tough. I have a 7/4yos and BD happened when they were just 4/1. Your kids are young and no matter what happens you and W are going to be in each others lives for a long time.

I know I was wrong for not treating her right, I showed very little affection and gave her almost no attention.

Can you dive deeper on this? How specifically did you not treat her right? What are the behaviors you need to change, and what drove the behavior?

I also had a OW about 5 years ago and W found out about it 2 years ago.

Was it physical, emotional, both? Someone you knew, a friend or coworker? How long did it last What led you getting into the affair?

For 2 years she couldnt get over the OW and I also didnt help much with how I treated her.

It's a very difficult thing to get over. How did you try to address the issue? Any counseling?

4 weeks ago I started making changes to our R, but it was almost as if she didnt want to accept it.

How long have you been together? I'm assuming at least a decade based on your kids' ages. Try to think of it from her perspective...years or a decade of certain behavior vs. 4 weeks of change? You're going to really need to commit to the change for the long time (it's a marathon, not a sprint) to make a difference. Your words are not going to matter. Your actions over a few weeks are not going to matter.

She said that there is no OM, but it could possibly be a emotional affair that had been happning over the last couple of months.

Almost every situation here, seems like 99%, include sort degree of affair partner...even when the LBS swears up and down it's not possible.

Good luck JackyJoe.