I realize she isn’t where I thought/hoped she was and I was being foolish and expecting too much.
Expectations are a tough thing to get under control. Years and years of her pervious behaviours has programmed you to expect a certain outcome given certain inputs. That is currently not the case.
Dial your expectations to zero. Unmet expectations lead to resentments. For you to outlast this you’ve got expect nothing and anything. It’s weird at first, I seem to remember.
For where she is on her journey / healing. People heal from the inside out. Much of a person’s internal progress happens with very little outward signs. Once they are further along, their behaviours, speech, mannerisms, etc, start to display their progress outward.
Consider her depression. Long before she showed her depression, she felt it. And she put on her happy face - like folks do. It will pass, I will figure this out, she likely thought. Yet, it persisted. Slowly those feelings accumulated until she showed her depression outwardly.
Healing and inner work is displayed in a similar fashion. What we see is a delay of what is going on inside for someone in depression, grief, loss, trauma, pain, etc.
Originally Posted by MikeP
I also think she is still unsure about us because of the om and that pisses me off.
Being unsure is a fair and valid viewpoint. How about for you? Are you unsure?
Your emotions regarding the OM are normal and even justified. However, those same emotions are inspiring uncertainty regarding any future. For you and her. More importantly you, IMHO.
Let go or be drag. Work through these emotions. Let go the anger and seek forgiving. You’ll be better for it. And you need to find that for any hope of a sustained relationship.
You find the peace within yourself, you will display it through your actions. That will inspire feelings of certainty within her. Words ain’t going to cut it.
Originally Posted by MikeP
Today has been easier to db than any other time so far.
Good job. As the days pass we get more and more healed. We see clearer and do better.
You’ve got the gift of time, use it well.
Everyone requires a certain amount of understanding before they can let go. You are asking good questions, and seeking wisdom. It’s the path to detachment and indifference. Give her to God, focus on you. W is on her timeline, not your’s. Keep moving forward and doing your inner work.
Take care.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
