Something I posted earlier was wrong. I didn’t try and get her to read anything from DB. It was Healing from Infidelity, there are two chapters in it for the betrayer.
She's not ready to read those chapters or anything else that may be relationship information. She probably doesn't want you trying to tell her about what she's doing. Many of them do not like for us to tell them what is wrong with them and how they can make their lives better. Leave the relationship books in the drawer for now because she's not open for that kind of learning at the moment.
Keep the focus on you and your family. Let go, let God have her for a while. You cannot fix her for you didn't break her. She is the only one that can fix herself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
She's not ready to read those chapters or anything else that may be relationship information. She probably doesn't want you trying to tell her about what she's doing. Many of them do not like for us to tell them what is wrong with them and how they can make their lives better. Leave the relationship books in the drawer for now because she's not open for that kind of learning at the moment.
Keep the focus on you and your family. Let go, let God have her for a while. You cannot fix her for you didn't break her. She is the only one that can fix herself.
Yeah, I get that now.When I originally asked she was telling me she wanted to fix things, really wants it to work, blah,blah. Obviously bs.
The grief can be overwhelming. Find a quiet place, and let it out. Crying is really, really good for you.
No matter how much you’re hurting, it doesn’t mean you have to DO anything. As humans, when we are uncomfortable, scared and hurting - we try to fix it ASAP. But that doesn’t work with a broken marriage. There’s nothing you can do, say, be, promise or force that will make it better. You’re better off acknowledging your grief, embracing it, and understanding it is actually your pathway to healing.
As much as your entire world and everything you knew has been turned upside down, the world will keep turning. You’ll be okay one day. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a few months, maybe not in a year. But one day, you’ll be okay. And happy and content. The majority of us that have been through it actually end up being grateful it happened.
Do some reading about mindfulness. It’s essentially reconnecting yourself with the here and now, dropping expectations and timelines and pressures - bringing yourself back to neutral and becoming aware (almost like stepping outside your own body and looking back at yourself) of your breathing, heart rate, emotions and cognitive patterns.
Google Jon Kabat Zinn YouTube mindfulness, and try it.
And exercise, exercise, EXERCISE! It’s the BEST thing you can do for your mental health. Better than counselling or anti-depressants.
Last night was eye opening for me. I realize she isn’t where I thought/hoped she was and I was being foolish and expecting too much. I also think she is still unsure about us because of the om and that pisses me off. Today has been easier to db than any other time so far. Keeping convo to minimum and staying busy in different parts of the house once she got home from work.We went to d13’s bball scrimmage and we sat in the same vicinity but I mostly hung out with a friend. Came home and I’m doing my own thing while she watches football in the living room. She offered to let me watch something else but just said it was ok, I’ll go in the other room. I know that’s not a big deal on the surface but any other time I would have jumped at the chance to sit with her. Yes she likes football, something I’ve always loved about her.
The grief can be overwhelming. Find a quiet place, and let it out. Crying is really, really good for you.
No matter how much you’re hurting, it doesn’t mean you have to DO anything. As humans, when we are uncomfortable, scared and hurting - we try to fix it ASAP. But that doesn’t work with a broken marriage. There’s nothing you can do, say, be, promise or force that will make it better. You’re better off acknowledging your grief, embracing it, and understanding it is actually your pathway to healing.
As much as your entire world and everything you knew has been turned upside down, the world will keep turning. You’ll be okay one day. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a few months, maybe not in a year. But one day, you’ll be okay. And happy and content. The majority of us that have been through it actually end up being grateful it happened.
Do some reading about mindfulness. It’s essentially reconnecting yourself with the here and now, dropping expectations and timelines and pressures - bringing yourself back to neutral and becoming aware (almost like stepping outside your own body and looking back at yourself) of your breathing, heart rate, emotions and cognitive patterns.
Google Jon Kabat Zinn YouTube mindfulness, and try it.
And exercise, exercise, EXERCISE! It’s the BEST thing you can do for your mental health. Better than counselling or anti-depressants.
Started back running, 32 degrees when I ran this morning and I loved it. Just me, my music, and nature. No thinking, just running. So helpful, gives my mind a break.
Last night was eye opening for me. I realize she isn’t where I thought/hoped she was and I was being foolish and expecting too much. I also think she is still unsure about us because of the om and that pisses me off. Today has been easier to db than any other time so far. Keeping convo to minimum and staying busy in different parts of the house once she got home from work.We went to d13’s bball scrimmage and we sat in the same vicinity but I mostly hung out with a friend. Came home and I’m doing my own thing while she watches football in the living room. She offered to let me watch something else but just said it was ok, I’ll go in the other room. I know that’s not a big deal on the surface but any other time I would have jumped at the chance to sit with her. Yes she likes football, something I’ve always loved about her.
Early on in my sitch before I found DB I moved out for awhile and stayed with a friend. My exw wanted me to come home for the holidays because my kids were young at the time. When I went home I thought things were going to back to the way they use to be. It was never the same again. She said she was trying but she wasn’t. I was angry that she didn’t feel our family was worth fighting for. One of my good friends told me “she can’t help the way she feels”. Even though I didn’t want to hear it he was right. I bet staying and having those feelings a W should have would have been the easiest path for her if she could get there. I guess my point is that this is not easy for her either. She is in pain just like you are right now.
When she says she is trying, only she knows to what level, IC, Books, Group therapy.. It may, probably, is just a phrase to say to keep you close.
She isn't doing any of those things. She even says she isn't actually "doing" anything, she just doesn't know what she wants and her being there with me means something. She is right and I acknowledge it to her, she chose to come back home to me and our family, I accept that it was a hard choice for her since she was convinced the om was her key to happiness. She says she doesn't love me like she should, I think she can't attempt to because of the om being in the back of her mind and seeing him every day at work. Nothing I can do about that and I finally accept it. In my unprofessional opinion she is very depressed. No desire to do any of the things she used to except going to the gym. The gym and work make her happy, unfortunately I think her "happiness" at work is the om. She won't talk to friends or her parents, won't socialize, and really just wants to sit home and drink if not at work or the gym. In all honesty I think she spends too much time around me and I'm trying to alleviate that as has been suggested.
