Doug you have to tell me what your goals are right now. Are you trying to get your kids through a specific time in their lives or are you trying to draw your W back to the marriage?
I'm sorry to say, I guess kinda both. I do feel like I vacillate sometimes between the approach of giving all the space in the world and the boundaries/tough love approach to a WW advocated by you and Sandi. What do you recommend? If it's MLC or even a milder form of some mid-life transition, the boundary thing of saying the passcode must come off the phone if we're in a marriage seems ill-advised.
You can do a temp check if you wish, just do not put your feeling on the line and don't get your expectations up. There is no magic bullet, no magic shortcut, no miracle cure to snap your W out of it. This $hit takes time.
As far as phone codes go, it really does not matter one way or the other, unless she is 100% commited to the marriage and hassaid so herself in no uncertain terms.
If she is not commited to the marriage, it does not matter who she calls, messages or schtumps for that matter.
Main thing is, she's got to want to come back to the marriage, not be coerced, tricked or fooled. You have to became the man's man, the alpha, she has to feel the weakness in ker knees when you enter the room and above all, she has to respect you. Before anything happens, respect has to happen.
Don't wait for the respect to happen, do your thing. Crush it with the kids, crush it at work, start working out, do not invite her anywhere if she is not commited to the marriage. Update your wardrobe, go out even if it's just by yourself. Do not pick up women, but a little flirting does wonders for your confidence.
