What to do?

[BL42]

MikeP,

I think her mindset is different than it was, but not where it needs to be.

It's likely not going to happen over night. It's a process. Use the time wisely...work on your issues and improve your attraction and like they say...become a man she'd be crazy to leave.

She ended the A and came home, that surprised me.

There's your positive.

She "wants" it to work, "wishes" it could work, but is doubtful. A lot of the same bs talk I've read from others-how can I ever forgive her,etc.

It's common for WAS/WS to be doubtful the relationship could work and the marriage be saved, but usually it's because they view the LBS as a lost cause. If your W truly wants to R and thinks it's because YOU can't forgive HER (as opposed to you not being able to make her happy), that's maybe an item you can address.

The day I caught her and the om at the park together, it took everything I had not to get out of my car and beat his ass. I sometimes wish I had. She would have used it as a reason to leave and maybe by now she would be back and working on real reconciliation, or not. Of course I would have gone to jail, that would have sucked.

Sometimes I wonder if the old school approach would be better in that regard. Obviously in today's culture ending up arrested and in jail is not an option, but if she wants to leave she'll find an excuse, whether it's you being physical or something else - at least with the former she'd she you "man up" (for lack of a better term) and respect that. It might even attract her more. I remember my IC saying about back in the day how a guys family or friends would round up and give the OM a beat down. I don't think she was advocating doing that - just trying to get me to stand up and be stronger mindset.

I flip flop between wanting everything to be better to wishing she was strong enough to just leave if she wants to. Effing crazy.

Those feelings probably aren't going away any time soon. Read SteveLW's post who saved his marriage quote awhile ago and still has those feelings.