Just re-read my last post, or at least tried to. Sorry for all the typos, I was messaging from my phone.
Originally Posted by DnJ
This is just gathering information, you don’t need to act on it. And information is power. I suspect your nervousness will abate some once you get more answers
My nervousness stems from a few things. In order to get the info I want from the L, I have to pay the retainer fee. This is something I can't really hide from W. I got a separate card to put it on, but I feel like one way or another she'll find out. And we both said we'd try and do this without them. So it feels like something I can't hide if I do it. I don't know. I'm just having reservations about it, especially since I haven't responded to W about the D papers. She will have to be the one to push that issue forward though. She wants to D, I don't at this time, I will not take that guilt off her shoulders by moving it forward.
To elaborate on W's weekend, Friday night I told her that I was going to my aunt's house Sunday for a little get together. W said I could not take D4 because she does not want her around my family, except for my sister. She said D4 will not have people in and out of her life and she needs to be protected. I previously did not understand where W was coming from with this, but I'm pretty sure it stems from her childhood of neglect, bouncing from house to house and not feeling loved. My family has not been around much for the 4 years we've had D4. I did not do a good enough job of maintaining relationships with them, and neither did they. Birthdays, Christmas, and even our adoption day have not always been acknowledged by them for D4. I explained that my relationships with them are something I have struggled with in the past and I understand that I have to confront them about the things that I have concerns with rather than avoiding conflict, especially if it involves my family. W was still upset, and even said she wouldn't sign a parenting plan if it didn't say that D4 couldn't be around them (What? lol). Then Monday night she said after thinking about it, it was okay if I took D4 there as long as I kept her safe. I validated her concerns about my family and their intermittent relationships with us and said I would protect D4 from that.
Since Monday, things have been pretty good. D4 has been sick the past 2 days, so I've been at home with her. I think W taking a mental health day Monday helped her out, as I could tell she was not in a good state of mind. W commented this morning that I've been in a good mood this week and joked that she never knows what mood I will be in each day. I know this is because of my struggle with understanding detachment, not knowing what to ignore, what to respond to, etc. She was correct that one day I'd ignore her and then I'd be friendly. I feel I have a little better understanding right now. I am not responding to calls and only texts about the kids/business stuff. She has tried calling a few times the past few days. At home I do not initiate interaction, but don't completely ignore it either. She asked about getting matching Xmas pajamas soon (a tradition we usually do). We'll see how the rest of the week goes. I'm trying to stay positive and focus on myself and the kids.
The unknown of the D paperwork s@cks. W jokingly mentioned it this morning by saying she hopes that I sign them for her bday. Then she apologized for being mean. Speaking of which, her bday is tomorrow. I'm not sure how to handle that exactly. My bday last month, she stopped by the bar I was at with friends for an awkward 30 minutes or so. That was the entirety of her involvement. No happy bday, no gifts, but the thing that hurt was that she didn't even come upstairs when the kids were doing the cake. I'm not getting a gift, but it feels pretty petty to not even say happy bday. Maybe I'll just leave it at that, and she can figure out whatever she wants regarding cake/kids/etc. D18 has a soccer banquet tomorrow night anyway, but I'm just curious how others have handled these situations.
