I contacted a L and have a bunch of paperwork to send to him. I'm a little nervous about it. Haven't paid the retainer yet and I probably won't have everything to him until Saturday.
Good for you.
This is just gathering information, you don’t need to act on it. And information is power. I suspect your nervousness will abate some once you get more answers.
Originally Posted by DW17
I had a good talk with my sister that helped my mindset moving forward. She said, as you guys have also, that I need to figure out of I want D or not and of I do then proceed with it. If I don't then I need to make sure my actions reflect that (no more mistakes, validating, empathy, and flush OM and what W is up to out of my brain for the time being). She said if I'm not sure yet, then proceed as if I want to stay together so I don't mess up the opportunity. This is all stuff you guys have told me, but hearing it in person from my sister helped. My mindset has been improved I think for the past several days.
Good.
Remember not taking action, not forcing things, is doing something.
Moving forward is about one’s mindset. And we all require a certain amount of understanding and knowledge before we can/will let go. I’d say you are gaining some good insight and clarity, and talking with your L will surely enhance that. I’d keep on the path, IMHO.
I altered this a bit:
Quote
So I'll try and move forward, as if I want to stay together, and I'll adjust if needed.
Do, or do not. There is no try.
Going at something with a try attitude is different than a do attitude. Try, equally allows a succeed or fail outcome. Do, predicts a success outcome; that’s the expected outcome. Yes, we can fail at things we do. However, we “do” things we control, so just dust off and do again.
It’s a little wording change, with huge internal influence. Your mind is always listening. Crafting and creating what you ask it to. Speak/think well.
Originally Posted by DW17
I didn't ask anything, didn't react and for some reason didn't really get mad. I just kind of let it go. I slept well all weekend too.
There is much peace from indifference. One let’s go, and becomes indifferent. It’s a strange landscape. Other feelings will appear and loom much larger in contrast against the void of emotions that were once so prevalent. Ensure you do not make hasty emotional decisions in this temporary landscape. Indifferent will, and does, unwind. Feelings do return. Thankfully with far less associated pain. (For those who do the inner work.)
The time of indifference is an excellent opportunity to discover one’s core self. With the emotional noise muted, one is free to delve into themselves and find their convictions and beliefs. These tenets are slow to change and make excellent headings for life’s journey and choices. Strengthen values that serve, craft that which you aspire to, and discard or alter those that do not serve.
We all start out standing. We stand for our marriage and our spouse. It’s the default position. Especially when we are so hurt.
Standing really starts once one is healed enough to stand down.
Find your convictions. No hasty choices.
Stand for you.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
