It's been a few days since I posted. I usually post from work but was busy yesterday and didn't go today (D4 is sick). I'll add more when I get a chance, but the weekend was busy and interesting. I went to a movie with D18 and S19, went to a bday party with friends which was a lot of fun, took D4 to a trampoline park, took the doug on a long walk with the girls, ran 7 miles outside to prep for my 10k and overall had a great weekend.
I had a good talk with my sister that helped my mindset moving forward. She said, as you guys have also, that I need to figure out of I want D or not and of I do then proceed with it. If I don't then I need to make sure my actions reflect that (no more mistakes, validating, empathy, and flush OM and what W is up to out of my brain for the time being). She said if I'm not sure yet, then proceed as if I want to stay together so I don't mess up the opportunity. This is all stuff you guys have told me, but hearing it in person from my sister helped. My mindset has been improved I think for the past several days.
W was spinning most of the weekend. She skipped with yesterday due to anxiety. I think she get up with AP Friday night, Sunday and Monday. Friday was her night out/come home the next morning routine, Sunday she went to a beach about 45 minutes away without the kids and Sunday she supposedly went on a hike. I didn't ask anything, didn't react and for some reason didn't really get mad. I just kind of let it go. I slept well all weekend too.
She was as angry as I've seen her a few days ago, but I could tell she was just grasping for something to be mad about. I reacted well to it, even as she said she applied four an apartment and won't be paying bills anymore if she gets it. I just smiled as she walked downstairs. I'll elaborate tomorrow from work tomorrow.
I contacted a L and have a bunch of paperwork to send to him. I'm a little nervous about it. Haven't paid the retainer yet and I probably won't have everything to him until Saturday.
W's cousin who lives a few hours away is picking her up for a bday weekend away from here. It's W's bday Thursday. So I have that kids and house all weekend. I'm assuming W is going out Friday and her cousin picks her up Saturday. Sunday I'm taking D4 and D18 to a family gathering. So another busy week ahead while I still contemplate exactly what I want from this. It's tough. There's a lot to give up if we D and I don't think I'm quote there yet. So I'll try and move forward as if I want to stay together, and I'll adjust if needed.
I hope everyone else had a great weekend, especially any veterans out there.
