Hi Bttrfly, Well, the Italian trip was simply amazing. This is actually the first time in about 25 years that I did something completely for myself and I enjoyed it to the fullest. I went to a wellness & retreat center, this to work further on myself and to further explore and discover the new me. I have met some wonderful people of which most of them had some trauma’s in the past (I’m pretty convinced that most people only start working on themselves when something traumatic happened to them) and who also want to work through this. I’m on a journey now which I most probably would never have experienced if I was still married to EXH, so in a certain way I’m grateful for that. The program was with lots of yoga, meditation, open sessions, wellness, massages, walks in nature etc. And you simply join or book what you want, on your own timing. The food was amazing as well. So definitely something I will do again next year and I would recommend everybody to do such a trip. It is very enriching.
Originally Posted by LH19
Your story reminds me of the movie Forrest Gump. Your Exh is like Ginny who was also broken. Whenever anything got to deep for her she would run to Forrest for the support and ego boost. Once she got it and felt better she was gone and Forrest was left there wondering what happened. Forrest had unconditional love for Ginny but I bet it wasn't easy for him. Forrest thought she was worth it so I guess your are going to have to figure out if your exh is worth the ins and outs and ups and downs.
Dear LH, Thank you for your honest feedback and indeed, I can relate to what you write above, I surely have unconditional love for him as well, he too is a broken person, but the only difference is that I’m not wondering what just happened. I allow it because I want to allow it for myself and because I finally accepted that I am a pleaser and I will always be one. These past years I blamed myself for being “weak”, and I couldn’t understand why I always wanted to help him, although all the bad things he did to me and the children. But I have learned not to fight this anymore. I am who I am and I finally have peace with that. I will help him in a certain way, and I will do this as long as it feels good for me. If not, I will walk away from it. I don’t experience any pain anymore from doing so, on the contrary, I’m even happy with it now, I embrace it.
Dear Mach, Thank you for the sharing of the threads of people whereby some of the MLC’ers made it to the other side. I will try to look them up and read them. I’m convinced my EXH is definitely not there yet. Maybe on his way back but he still has a very long way to go. The questions you have mentioned I have been asking myself as well. I want to work towards some sort of friendship in the first place so when he reaches out when he has difficult times and it works for me I will be there for him. I don’t seek reconciliation, this simply because the man I see in front of me is not a man I would want to date and definitely not be married to. Yes, I still feel a lot of love for him but the life I have now is much better then it was these past years so why would I want to give that up. The easy part is that I have my own place, I’m completely financially independent so if he wants to see me I go to his house, not the other way around, as my own place is my holy place now. He can come here to pick up the kids, to have a drink, but not to have serious conversations, this has to be in his house. I don’t want the children to be around that anymore. If however he would turn into a man which I would want to date, then I would consider it, but definitely no chance if this is not the case. I keep on doing what I have been doing, and that is simply live my life to the fullest. As Job wrote in the final chapter of her thread. (“To reclaim the person you once were, learn new hobbies, travel, meet new people and yes, even develop a new relationship.” – this is what I’m doing, although still WIP for the new relationship though, don’t want that yet, live is too good on my own, a date once and while will do for now, LOL)
Originally Posted by DnJ
It is great to hear that your trip was so wonderful. I bet the one week went by pretty quickly. Was this your first big trip solo?
Hi DnJ, Yes, it was. And what a fantastic journey it was!
Originally Posted by DnJ
And like has been stated, not your circus not your monkeys. You now know more of XH’s situation is all.
Completely right, not my story, not my monkeys. But it can have an affect on my children and this is not something I wanted anymore.
At one point I asked him, was it all worth it, what you experienced and what you have been through these past 4 years? The lost/destroyed connections with family and friends, the death of OW1, the divorce, the job switches, the move to another country and finally...making a woman pregnant who does not want you in the life of the child....nor you want this... That's when he told me about the fog, and that this was not what he wanted at all. And all this is still unprocessed... can you imagine what he will face once this all comes to the surface... I wouldn't be surpised him running again. Well, only time will tell I guess.
Originally Posted by DnJ
Remain your compassionate self.
THIS!!! Always, something I have learned from you.
