What to do?

[Mach1]

MikeP,

I've said in the past I would not forgive a cheater, yet here I am trying too.

It's easy to say it's a deal breaker when it's a hypothetical, but when it's your real world life and your family and way of living is at stake often people see it much differently. I don't think anyone really knows whether or not cheating is a deal breaker unless put to the test.

Truth ^^^

I took her at her word when in reality she wasn't being completely honest.

They lie. Right to your face.

I'm not totally convinced that they all outright lie. I think that there is such a revisionist attitude and rewrite of the history that they really don't recognize what is true and what isn't anymore....

IF she was cornered with no way out ??

Yep, you can be convinced that it was a lie to get out of reality...

A casual conversation ?

Most likely still a lie, yet more of a re-write of what truth is to them...

We have had sex fairly regularly though and she has actually instigated it numerous times.

Interesting. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think most WWs still initiate sex. Did yours LH?

People in an active affair don't initiate sex with the person that they are cheating on.

Especially Women in an physically active affair unless they are covering "hot" tracks that could expose them.

Something I left out- when she moved back in, I talked to her about how our marriage had devolved into us focusing on the kids and never on us. I asked and she agreed to go out to eat one night a week. I did not pressure her at all, just suggested it as a way to spend time without the kids around. We have done it every week but one. I look forward to these dinners and I really believe she does too. We don't talk about us, did a little at first but stopped. We talk, have margaritas, and generally have a nice time.

MikeP - If she really is into these "date nights" I think that's a positive sign. The fact that she moved back, says she wants to fix things, is open to date nights and sex with you is a positive sign. At least relative to most situations on this board where the WS is gone, living with someone else, saying they have no interest to work on things...etc., you're situation seems relatively better. Now, that does not by any stretch mean you're through the woods. You two have A LOT to get through and work out if you're going to be successful. The situation is still on thin ice. But...if I were you I would take some solace/hope in it and keep doing the work and not give up. Just my opinion.

Strongly agree....

Applaud the 2% that is right for now, until you have a concrete reason to not to...