What to do?

[BL42]

TBH, I’d leave her.

Once someone sleeps with an affair partner, it’s game over.

The kids play a big part in wanting it to work as well.

I get where Kind18 is coming from, and looking back perhaps I should've gone that route knowing the outcome anyway, but I'd hold off on anything drastic - you don't have to make a decision today. Keep your children in mind, especially D13. The last thing she needs going into her teenage years is learning her mom is having an affair and her parents are divorcing. Maybe you sacrafice your own pride a bit for the best interest of the kids and maybe it works out. If you need to At least your W came back and is saying she wants the marriage to look - that's far better than a lot of sitches on here. And there are marriages that do work through affairs.

I’d get a lawyer to get my ducks in a row.

I have considered consulting a lawyer to get my ducks in a row, just in case.

Definitely do this. It's a no-brainer. There's no reason not to. You don't have to take any action, but having an initial consultation to get a firm understanding of where you stand under the law (custody, assets, child/supposal support...etc.) is universally recommended here. Knowledge = power.

It’s hard to explain just how little that worries me any more.

That's awesome - the best attitude.

I had been much better in the past few years, but I guess the damage was done. I've acknowledged to her how wrong I was.

You can't change the past. Learn from your mistakes sure, but also don't beat yourself up over it too much either. Everyone on the planet could be better - there's no one who is perfect, but SHE is the one cheating. Not you.

So many things seemed to change about me the instant she told me about the affair. My outlook on life in general has changed. I want to be a better, happier person even if our marriage doesn't work. I've spent a lot of years at a job I hate and that takes a toll on everyone around me. Not excusing anything, it's just the facts. I've always been a good father and tried to be a good husband, the best I knew how at least. The last 6 months I've been a totally different person in a lot of ways. I am more social, more patient, and I leave work at work. Fortunately, I can retire in a few months and start a new career until I can retire for real.

Can you understand why the WAS/WS might not believe these changes? Decades of learning how you are one way, then all of a sudden a major shift? How could you trust the changes are permanent. Actions over a long period of time are key. Just saying this to help you understand her mindset.

It's definitely easy to make changes short term, I am determined to keep at it. I want to lose 25lbs. and keep running for my health. I want these things for me, not her or anyone else.

Easy to say that, but actions over words. Make it happen!

My biggest goal is to GAL. That's what I think I need the most.

GAL is the best way to get your mind of things and become happier.