It was never a case of me doing something and thinking I deserved sex, she just never wanted to. I expressed my needs many times over the years, but it never changed. I was totally wrong, not doubt. I had been much better in the past few years, but I guess the damage was done. I've acknowledged to her how wrong I was. So many things seemed to change about me the instant she told me about the affair. My outlook on life in general has changed. I want to be a better, happier person even if our marriage doesn't work. I've spent a lot of years at a job I hate and that takes a toll on everyone around me. Not excusing anything, it's just the facts. I've always been a good father and tried to be a good husband, the best I knew how at least. The last 6 months I've been a totally different person in a lot of ways. I am more social, more patient, and I leave work at work. Fortunately, I can retire in a few months and start a new career until I can retire for real.
It's definitely easy to make changes short term, I am determined to keep at it. I want to lose 25lbs. and keep running for my health. I want these things for me, not her or anyone else.
Next on my list is to start doing a better job of implementing the things I've learned from the books, I've sucked at it so far. My biggest goal is to GAL. That's what I think I need the most.
