My Story P5: Saying goodbye to the MLC Madness

[DnJ]

Hello Eagle

It is great to hear that your trip was so wonderful. I bet the one week went by pretty quickly. Was this your first big trip solo?

And then home…

And like has been stated, not your circus not your monkeys. You now know more of XH’s situation is all.

G and OW2 have been fighting and are now broke up (maybe for good this time). Lies and deceit flow and shift like sand. And sand is a terrible foundation to build upon. Any relationship built upon such will take much energies to keep it propped up.

OW2 pregnant is quite a shock. It certainly happens, with MLCers running from responsibilities and living more risky lives. Many seek thrills and spontaneity. And some end up with more responsibility than they ever suspected.

Sorry for my language, but can this whole sh*tstory become any worse???

One of my many favourite quotes is nothing is so bad that is cannot get worse. At first read that sounds rather doom and gloom. It actually isn’t though when one thinks about it.

Also, if something can get worse, it can get better too.

Are there any stories on the forum in the past where this happened as well?

I cannot recall any particular poster here on this forum. I do recall another site where a women’s H got his AP pregnant. The W and H actually reconciled. In that case, the AP did not run off, and was somewhat in their lives, since his child was. The W found peace with things. The child was, and is not to blame, an innocent soul. She accepted the child. Pretty amazing.

He constantly wanted to lay in my arms, he needed security, I gave him this.
I don't know why, but it just felt right at the time, as weird as that sounds. We sat on the couch for a few hours, the man is completely broken.

By far, most people need to hit rock bottom before they will change. Broken and hurt, then they rebuild.

As was asked by others, what is your desire or want? Do you seek to reconcile? Or see the possibility of reconciliation?

You’ve not permanently slammed the door on XH. It’s open a crack. Some folks close the door and nail it shut. I figure you are open to seeing what possibilities exist, and then going from there.

He also said that he destroyed everything. That he doesn’t dare to admit that I am the love of his life, that his ego has the upper hand in this, especially towards the outside world.
That he has been living in a fog for the past 4 years, a fog that is now slowly clearing.
He said that I'm probably right, that he's in a midlife crisis, that he wanted to try a completely different life but it turned the other way around.

That quite an admission from him.

A baby 3 months away is a lot of pressure, and G is not running.

He also wants to tell the truth to our children, I told him not to do this yet, that he must first know which direction this will all go before saying anything to them.
This will be very hurtful to them, I'm sure.
He is afraid she will contact me or the kids via social media. (she can find us through there of course) He doesn't think so, but isn't quite sure. That's why he wants to be ahead of her.

I think informing the kids would be a good thing. I do understand your concerns regarding when to tell them. Getting ahead of her and any surprises will be beneficial.

As we discussed, the power has shifted to you. What manner of relationship you and G have is going to be up to you. Some thoughts:

Figure out what you want. If you are willing to explore anything with G. Date him if so inclined.

Keep doing what you are doing. You are living a great life, let G catch up.

Remain your compassionate self.

Realize G has to purge OW2 from himself. I always envision a 12 month rule for the healed MLCer having no contact with their AP before any living together again, and the clocks resets if there is any contact or reaching out to AP. Obviously that won’t work if G is involved in the child’s life. Still, some metric or tangible evidence of consistent demonstrated behaviour is required.

MLCers do not awaken with a sudden and grand vision. Awakening is a whisper of doubt within them. G has heard that for a while and seems to be taking it to heart.

D