Boundary after big D part four

[Mach40]

Mach40,

and the question came up, should I get her Momma something, card etc for Christmas..

You wrote this in a passive voice, i.e. "the question came up", but who raised the question...you? her?

Well, oldest said her Momma did get me a gift card, but since she was sick for my B Day dinner, my oldest put the gift card in her card from her and my grand baby. Didnt tell me till today. Made me feel bad for that. Wasnt my fault, it was my daughters for not informing me..

You should spend some time exploring why you feel bad. This woman divorced you and is dating another man. And you feel bad for not saying thank you for a gift card you didn't know about?

Thoughts on what I should do, reach out and give her a thank you for the gift card.

Nothing. It's over. Let it be.

And, since she did get me something for my B Day, should I retro something to her?

No!

I am sure most will say, just let it go.

Yep. You know our advice

I get it, but after 32 years, some things always mean something regardless of how we feel about each other.

Mach you're officially divorced and have been separated many years. Your time is better spent on you rather than giving her headspace about a gift card.

I was asking Oldest about Christmas gifts and asked if I should also get her Momma something. I passively said, she and I didnt get B Day stuff for each other, so maybe I shouldnt. So, yes, I brought it up passively to justify not getting anything for Christmas.
I felt bad just for the fact I would have if I had known, I would have said thnx. Its my nature to be polite. If that makes sense.
I know time is better spent on me.. I agree.
Again, the worst part about all this is timing. If I could have known about this site, the books years ago, I would have been way better off.
I have to shrug that off and get moving. And with all the holidays coming up, it makes it a bit tougher.
Last night my youngest made some home made Risotto and tea for my Bronchitis also. While there she asked what I am doing for the Thanksgiving and Christmas. I said, we talked about it, and I wont be going to your Moms house or her Sister house for either Holiday. She said, okay, your fresh off of getting hurt, I understand.. So we came up with a little plan to do a small Dinner at my place, and Christmas eve at my place for gifts. She has a good head on her shoulders.
The oldest is more concerned of her B day, daughters B day and Christmas. She has no job, medical issue, and she is hyper focused on those things.. her B Day, grands b day, and Christmas will be fine, I assured her.