we did agree on several months ago was that we are going to live here until D18 graduates as if we are separated and we could move on with our lives with other people if we choose. It was a clear boundary that YOU set and we agreed on.
You still have control over my mind and I am going to trauma therapy to fix that and going to join some support groups to help me get through the hell I have been living the majority of my life. I give my love 100% in every relationship I have and you chose to not take it for years, even when I begged for you to go to therapy with me.
Originally Posted by DW17
She wants a divorce, I don’t as of yet, but I don’t get to control that.
She wants what she wrote above. It sounds like she would prefer divorce now but is negotiable on when divorce happens. What does DW17 want? The ship has sailed on being a happy couple anytime soon and she loves someone else. Q1 - Do you want to D now while she's somewhat motivated, Q2 - Do you want to live with STBXW/D18 until D18 graduates?
Be intentional. If you want to divorce, act now while she's motivated and likely to agree to more. Consult with an attorney about what you would get in court. Draft a proposal. Consider her dream divorce terms. She wants to live together until D18 graduates. She'd prefer a divorce now. Consider a proposal where you offer both and 40% less spousal and 20% less child support than is customary. The alternative is to do nothing and she gets her dream and you get no value from it. I guess as a guy earning at least 50% more than my ex and not paying child or spousal support I got a killing in my divorce relative to the average person here. As in business, offer what matters to them and charge for it.
If you will continue living together for D18's sake, consider IC for you to accept she's moved on for now, and consider MC for co-parenting (not reconciliation). Animosity while living under the same roof is not in the best interests of D18, nor of the D4 you're going to be co-parenting together for the next couple of decades. Do what you can to improve your interactions.
