Well, I am losing weight but I still have fat fingers . 15 years.
I have never thought I have been a failure for these past 15 years. Where did you get that from? Maybe you think I am? I have been pretty successful. Maybe not in the area of romantic relationships , but that doesn’t make me an overall failure. My non-success in that area doesn’t make me who I am. No clue where you got that from.
Why am I fatalist? Well, you haven’t lived in my shoes. I never had a safe and secure life since childhood. Everyone I felt slightly secure , I have suffered a major loss. Disaster has mostly lurked in the shadows. I’ve seen and experience som Sh!t since I was a child. I can’t think of something not leaving/ending. It’s for my own self preservation. And it’s ingrained. I work on it daily. If I keep telling myself it will eventually end or go away, then I will be “prepared” for when it does. It’s a sucky way to live for sure, and I hope most never have to experience that.
I am in a different stage of my life now. I am no longer in my early 30’s a single mother to a school aged kid. Yes, the I wanted and I craved a “family” I really didn’t have it growing up, it was ripped away from me as soon as my baby was born, and my focus was a lot different , now I’m older, my kid is almost a freakin adult and my focus so different. My goals are different and my desires are different. Just like yours have changed even over the past few years.
Things are just different. I have accepted some things that will never be and I’m at peace with them. And for now I work really hard to live in the moment
