Personally, I think it sounds like she’s desperate to get out quickly so she can legitimise her affair.

That could seriously work for you to get a great custody and finance deal.

I would take it to your lawyer, and get them to help you draft what you want. Custody, finance, alimony, child support - the whole works - tipped heavily in your favour, but not so much so that a judge would throw it out. You need to have every minor detail locked away so she can’t come back at you in the future.

But then go to her, tell her you are happy to talk about it, and tell her what you want. If you go to mediation or take your lawyer along, it’s less likely you’ll get a good deal.

And be prepared to negotiate. If you’re stuck on one minor thing (like $5-10k, or Christmas Day kids arrangements)… remember that if you can’t strike and agreement and it goes to lawyers and court, everyone loses. A $10k extra offer at the end (essentially a bribe that looks attractive to a cheat who wants short term cash to spend with affair partner) that gets the deal over the line is a fraction of what it would cost if you can’t agree between yourselves.

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Yup, you’re spot on here. I think this is why I struggle the few times we do get in conversations about important things. I end up saying things I don’t want to say, or saying things I don’t remember. W doesn’t forget anything.

You know how you can avoid saying something you regret? Don’t engage! We’ve been saying it for a while. “I haven’t thought about that yet. I’m off to watch a baseball game. We got great seats!” And then walk out the house in new clothes, with great aftershave, with a huge smile on your face.

I think you should do some reading about and practising of mindfulness. The primal fight or flight part of your brain has far too much control over your behaviour atm, as it does with most LBS. Get to work on moving what you say/think/do being controlled by the frontal cortex, the measured, common sense, higher level part of the human brain.

Unless you’re being chased by a bear in the woods, the amygdala driven behaviour/words/fear is generally very destructive.

And book a holiday. So next time she says about going on a holiday as friends you can say “sorry, but I’ve already booked in a road trip with the guys!”