Today I finally looked over the paperwork. A lot of things are not complete. No financial info, no description of who gets what, she didn’t fill out her portion of the child support worksheet, she checked that she needs spousal support, but did not select whether the court will decide or the dollar amount she is requesting, the parenting plan does not work for me, and several minor mistakes. She hasn’t said it, but I think her plan is for us to sit down and work through it together. I told her I’d respond in 1-2 weeks. I have a few people I’d like to get advice from and I have to speak with the L still, but it seems like she is attempting to get me to do the leg work with this, which I’ve been told not to do. She spent a total of about an hour on it. I spent more time than that today looking into things. I’ve got some time to decide how I want to respond to her, but I wasn’t served these papers, and they aren’t complete. Should I just give her the applicable financial information and let her complete it? Should I just accept the situation and get on with it? She wants a divorce, I don’t as of yet, but I don’t get to control that.
Originally Posted by R2C
One option to help resolve them is to mutually agree on a mediator before you attempt any negotiations with her. You can lead her through this as well.
This is what I would like to do. I believe W just wants to talk things out, and I think most things will work that way, but I’d prefer a mediator for the custody issues. I don’t want to get into an argument about it and I’d rather a third party be there for this.
Originally Posted by Kind18
Every time you get an email, a text, or need to respond to her - notice how your body feels. Instant butterflies in the stomach, increased heart rate, increased respiration, and inability to think about anything else.
Yup, you’re spot on here. I think this is why I struggle the few times we do get in conversations about important things. I end up saying things I don’t want to say, or saying things I don’t remember. W doesn’t forget anything.
Originally Posted by Kind18
Remember, most likely no matter how you respond, she’ll be pissed off. You’re worrying so much about it, but in reality a WW who desperately wants out - you can’t predict how they will react anyway.
I’ll try to keep this mindset. If I have to respond, do it with confidence at least, even if my response is not perfect.
I’ve got a 3 day weekend. I’ve got a few things lined up. I’ll try and keep busy and focus on being positive and confident. I can only control what I can control and I’ll be fine no matter the result.
