Living with WAW 3

[BL42]

DW17,

I haven't spoken to the L yet other than the initial consultation, so if I do respond, I could say I do not have one at this time and would like to avoid it....

I don't know. I hate this.

Fear is entangling. Fear is paralyzing. Fear’s tentacles run deep. Fear is about what might happen.

I do not think you’d like to avoid seeing a lawyer. You’d like to avoid this situation and what might happen. And that is fear. Utilizing a lawyer will provide guidance and answers which removes many of those possible outcome and does plenty to assuage one’s fear.

I sensed the fear in your "I don't know. I hate this." comment. I empathize with you here as I definitely went through the same feelings...not knowing "exactly the right way" to respond for the best outcome. It's better if you're able to let go and realize the precise words or tactics aren't necessarily change the ultimate outcome. Try not to get paralyzed by the specifics and instead let go of control and release your fears and accept the journey. You will be alright no matter what.

If W is feeling guilty, she may be inclined to offer a better settlement. Lots of folks do.

My L advised the same thing - that the best offer usually comes early while the guilt is strong and better any bitterness over negotiations builds. A lot of times the LBS is not ready for this speed and struggles to let go, preventing a better "business" outcome. DnJ perhaps got the quickest / best "business" outcome in the history of divorce...so he speaks from experience.

I decided on responding with a simple "I would prefer to handle this between us if possible." It's not a lie, as I would like to handle things between us...if I get a favorable result.

W responded "Okay, just making sure."

Good approach IMO. Also, notice how your fears on this from just a short while disappeared with her response - it wasn't as bad as you worried it might be.