Without that action, she'll do whatever she wants..
You do seem confused by boundaries! Repeat: "Boundaries control me, not her." It still sounds like you're looking at boundaries as a way to control her actions instead of a way to assert mastery over yourself and protect yourself from harm. I manage people and I put a lot of boundaries around how our customers may interact with them. I don't control whether a customer behaves well (like most) or behaves badly (like some). I just control how much access they have to my team. They will treat my team with respect or they will not have access to their services.
Possible boundaries: "If she lays a hand on me, I will call the police and report it." "If she cheats on me, I will file for divorce a.s.a.p." "If she calls me names, I will hang up."
Not Boundaries: "She won't get away with calling me names, and iff she cheats on me, she's sleeping on the street!"
Hopefully the book R2C recommended will help you make sense of boundaries. (:
