LH19 that's what was weird about her response. I didn't really set any boundaries, but she’s used that word at various times and I’m not sure what exactly she is referring to. I don’t think she does either.
As mentioned by a few of you guys, my "boundary" of not living with someone involved with another person was not a true boundary because the "action" part was me telling her to leave instead of an action I would take. So she predictably just replied that she wasn't leaving.
The only actual boundary mentioned was that I would only communicate about the kids or finances. My action is that I will not answer a phone call and will only respond to a text if it is about one of those things. My email was worded poorly, but this is a boundary that I communicated with W previously, just without the action part. The way I worded it makes it sound like it was her boundary, but I was referring to her telling me to stay away from her when she was angry a few days ago.
As far as the dinner/groceries, wasn’t really intended to be a boundary. It was just me telling her that I want to share the responsibilities.
Unfortunately the word boundary has been used incorrectly by myself and W, which is probably causing some confusion for both of us as well as you guys. At the end of her email, W said she’ll email me more about boundaries after IC tomorrow. She’s been using the term incorrectly the same way I had been using it, basically as a set of rules we agree to. i.e. her thinking that living together and moving on with our lives with other people was a boundary that I set early on when I really just told her I was not in control of her choices. A firm correct boundary here would have been nice in hindsight.
I know it’s not my job to educate her on what I’m learning about boundaries, but I do need to make sure if I mention them at all that they are true boundaries with actions that I will take if they are violated.
