No, I don't have it and haven't asked for it. There's no point. She wouldn't give it to me. I think I wrote in one of my first posts that I would have to grab her phone out of her hands while it's open if I wanted to see anything. I don't plan to do that and no one suggested I do so. As far as the phone, you and Mach1 both wrote at one point something along the lines of "Who cares what TF your wife is up to? What are you doing to improve yourself?" and also "Do you want to be sitting on the porch at 80 wondering what if you'd only given W a little bit more time to get her sh*t figured out?" So, I'm not breathing down her neck at this point in time, but I'm not in denial about what she's up to either.
Looking back now I should have insisted that if we were going to stay married there could be no secrets amongst us.
Originally Posted by Doug54
Was this New Year's Eve thing before or after you picked up her phone that one day to check the weather and saw that it had a passcode? Was the New Year's Eve texting to the idiot down the street whose marriage was rocky?
No clue. I think he bowed out early but not sure. Could have been new young group of friends she was hanging out with. It was definitely secretive though.
Originally Posted by Doug54
I'm sure if I said to W today, "You're either in or you're out" she would tell me that she's in, but what would that be worth?
A lot if she meant it.
Originally Posted by Doug54
LH, would you say your wife is driven and determined? Is she a type A personality? Because my wife is not. I mentioned her struggles with indecisiveness a couple posts above.
Fuch no total B that is why she needs a man.
Originally Posted by Doug54
I could see this situation dragging on for quite a while short of me getting to the point where I've had enough. I struggle with that mightily.
It's tough when you have young children.
Originally Posted by Doug54
If you or anyone else can chime in about the concept of joint or separate bank accounts... so W and I have had a joint account for quite a long time.
I think if there is no immediate plans to split up than it's not worth it.
Originally Posted by Doug54
A lot to consider. But even though there are success stories on this board, I don't know what the catalyst would be in which W decides she's ready to re-commit to the marriage. You're right - it [censored] (@ss).
If you engage in a relationship with her again it should only be under the conditions that:
1) She sees you as someone of extremely high value 2) She views a relationship with you as something much better than a life with someone else or a life alone 3) She's willing to work to win you
Without those three things, she's going to walk again down the line, because she really doesn't have the motivation to work with you to change anything, your relationship will keep seeking the same equilibrium it has had because of how your personalities and issues come together.
