Action 2

[BL42]

She has reached out yes asking stuff about our kids and also about the house reno. I have not been answering too quickly but I have responded briefly.

Then she sent this, “I want to let you know that I am really trying to have a friendship with you.”

Not sure how to respond to that.

"You're my wife. If you no longer want to be married, I have no interest in friendship going forward."

Or don't answer - there's no question there.

[LH19]

You don’t. When we say “when you engage you lose”. That’s what we mean.

How are the kids? Great

How’s the how Reno? Great

I’m trying to be friends. Crickets

What aren’t you answering me I’m trying to be friends. I’m not interested in being friends.

See this is why I can’t be married to you anymore. Crickets

Eventually she will learn and stop. You have to teach people how to treat you. With her it’s going to be like training a new born puppy.

[Rockon]

BL/LH

Ok

[Rockon]

Our daughter invited both W and I to her birthday party along with a lot of D’s friends. D also invited a married couple who are long time close friends of our family. W told me she was unhappy with those friends being there and that she wished she could leave out the back door instead of facing them. I validated and didn’t try to solve it for her but I believe that W feels shame and judgment over her wayward actions. Anyway she did end up talking to those friends and left the party early. This morning D came and gave me a huge hug. She loved her party and had a blast as did I!

[LH19]

Probably but she continues them anyway. Just like a crack addict. NOTHING stops them from getting their next fix.

[BL42]

Our daughter invited both W and I to her birthday party along with a lot of D’s friends. D also invited a married couple who are long time close friends of our family. W told me she was unhappy with those friends being there and that she wished she could leave out the back door instead of facing them.

If you've read a lot of stories here you'll find it's fairly common for WAS/WSs to all of a sudden cut out people in their lives who disapprove of their actions and gravitate to those who accept their affair(s)/divorce.

I validated and didn’t try to solve it for her but I believe that W feels shame and judgment over her wayward actions.

Could be, but like LH said...

Anyway she did end up talking to those friends and left the party early.

My ExW left our then 5yo son's birthday party earlier to go talk to OM1. Sad.

This morning D came and gave me a huge hug. She loved her party and had a blast as did I!

Good stuff, Rockon. It's all about you and the kids from now on. Keep being the best dad you can be.

[Ready2Change]

Then she sent this, “I want to let you know that I am really trying to have a friendship with you.” Not sure how to respond to that.

#1) 98% STFU- No question about the kids-->No response. Listen to LH19.
#2) 2% Truth dart- Spouse cheated --> "I have no intentions on being friends with anyone that chooses to end a marriage the way you did."

[Ready2Change]

D also invited a married couple who are long time close friends of our family. W told me she was unhappy with those friends being there.."

Perfect. They are now YOUR friends.

and that she wished she could leave out the back door instead of facing them. I validated ..

Specifically, how did you validate?

[Rockon]

D also invited a married couple who are long time close friends of our family. W told me she was unhappy with those friends being there.."

Perfect. They are now YOUR friends.

and that she wished she could leave out the back door instead of facing them. I validated ..

Specifically, how did you validate?

I said I heard her that she didn’t like that they were there and felt uncomfortable and I stated that our daughter enthusiastically hoped they would be able to show up. This is a very important family to our D (I’m telling you all this sentient I didn’t say it to W she already knows)

[LH19]

Rock,

You may want to visit the validation thread.