Oh, Mach 40, thank you, and I’m happy if sharing a synopsis of my life story has helped.
Mach1 is absolutely right, our experiences can mold us, but shouldn’t define us. It’s always a work in progress to not “be” my divorce or failed marriage, or failed relationships after. I won’t let it be who I am anymore .
OB- 2 of the girls on my team would be right up LH’s alley. But he’s a happily taken man with his own skinny chick . I could wrap my fingers around their legs. But they also couldn’t get even one rep up on the bench and got 22. So there ! Seriously though, super nice women and we all have our strengths. And mine is definitely not speed when running!
I have been very off this week and missed the gym all week. I’m finally feeling physically better , but I’m exhausted. I worked my first weekend at my old job. Work wasn’t busy, I got to work with my favorite people , one being my work wife and we had such a good time. I was also shocked by how many people truly miss me there . All I hear is “it’s not the same, please come back!” And even today, the physician advisor I work with was surprised to hear me when he called in and needed something done and he told me he I am very missed. And he is not a man of emotion. I got what he needed done and he said “ this is just one of the reasons we miss you terribly!”
I know it might seem like a low key brag. And weird I talk about work so much. But honestly, it’s a huge part of my life. It always has been. It’s where I have always gotten adult interaction, formed relationships and felt valued. I’ve been coming home for years and years to no one but my kid and she does ask me how my day was, but in reality, work has been the only place I have felt like a respected adult where anyone really cared about me as a person. I always make sure to bring life into work , because we are there for majority of working hours and no one should be miserable at their job. When I was going through my D and I had a new baby and everything was changing at once, going to work was the only place things felt normal. I looked forward to work. And I worked night shift in an ICU!
I also feel like a Sh!t because once again my cousin and I aren’t talking. It’s been a month now. She got mad at me when I didn’t respond to a text of a picture of her basil in her garden ( I looked at it at a traffic light and just forgot about it) then I’m my last 2 days at my other job, I was out a work event and she texted me about helping her move mulch on Saturday. I didn’t answer because I couldn’t. 2 hours later she texted me, yet again going off on me about how I never answered her texts. I told her Where I was and why I couldn’t and that wasn’t acceptable to her. We have the same argument all the time. She gets offended when I don’t answer her texts which don’t even actually have an “answer” I’m just tired and I haven’t had the energy to make this better . She left me hanging and I never reached out again. I’m trying so hard to focus on what I need at the moment and I just don’t have the mental space right now. I feel guilty, but I just can’t do it. Also, when I don’t answer, she never asks me if I am ok, if I need anything, etc. and when we are together, I listen to her b!tvh about her life, her husband. Everything. Never asks about me.
Anyways, I’m completely exhausted. I’ve got 5 more days to go and I finally get a day off. And I’m exhausted to the point where I am fighting back tears. I’ve been thinking about planning a weekend getaway for myself in January. I’m running on empty and need to refuel
