My condolences for your Dad. How amazing and special that the things that are important were openly shared. I can only imagine his sense of pride at your choices to do better for yourself and your kids. Raising a child to be a good person and make their own way in the world...
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He feels like he has no relationship with her, and merely tolerates him. That she isn't capable of anything deep and meaningful in her life, and only can emotionally handle something superficial in her life, and that includes he and his Sister. I told him that it was something that only he can talk through with her, and even if it failed, he had made the effort.
He told me that his Sister feels exactly the same, yet her and I go through strained periods of our relationship. Mostly because she struggles so hard to have that with her Mother, and the bottom line is, when they are doing okay (albeit superficially) then she gives all of her effort there, and I tend to fall away. It is a strange dynamic for sure.
Your son could make the effort and he could decide it isn't worth the effort to him. That's a hard pill to swallow, but it is possible. I imagine there is a lot of pain involved in feeling like your Mom, only tolerates you. No disrespect intended.
I've been told, I was the "safe" one and I think you are too. The one that is steadfast and available. Because of that we can be left to the side a bit because they know we'll be there.The effort being spent in trying to forge something with her Mom, might feel overwhelming.
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The most difficult is becoming the promise that I made to my Father that I would make sure that my step-Mother was taken care of.
Do you know what this looks like? Are there very specific things or more interpretive? Are you able to and take care of yourself? I know you're awesome, but you gotta put your oxygen mask on first.
