As far as 180s, she stopped saying I love you, avoided conversations about us, was cordial not argumentative, laid low by not being too busy with me via texts/calls, never asked how she looked or if noticed changes, she was very nuetral.. Thats all I can think of right now that is in the 180 list.. But she did GAL, and moved on..
These sound more like falling out of love and indifference than 180s, imo.
180s are like you always used to argue and debate her logically and instead you now listen and validate. Or you drank way too much and were an alcoholic so you decide to stop drinking. Or you got really out of shape and all of a sudden you hit the gym and get healthy.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Your posts lately portray a deep sense of sadness. That's completely natural and common for people here, but to LH's point it's been many years now so it's important you get yourself unstuck. Make an action plan on what you're going to do to improve yourself - literally write it down. I also get the sense you spend a lot of time alone, so get busy and social. GAL is your lifeline right now. Figure out what you like to do and meet some guys you can hang out with. You have many years ahead of you, and life can be good...make them count!
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Your posts lately portray a deep sense of sadness. That's completely natural and common for people here, but to LH's point it's been many years now so it's important you get yourself unstuck. Make an action plan on what you're going to do to improve yourself - literally write it down. I also get the sense you spend a lot of time alone, so get busy and social. GAL is your lifeline right now. Figure out what you like to do and meet some guys you can hang out with. You have many years ahead of you, and life can be good...make them count!
Yep, I am very sad. I am already talking to friends to get out with them at functions, BBQs and starting the Church when I get back. I am very sad that I didnt have the tools I gained here to at least implement into recovering my marriage to her.. I had no one to help. Literally, just me and no insight where to go.. Thats the real sad part.
Mach I’m not trying to be mean I just feel like I have to be direct with you. I’m pretty sure no matter what you were ending up here. What I don’t want to see is you come back in a few years. You need to start moving forward. 5 years is way too long to be standing still. Why don’t you write down 5 goals that are achievable in the next 6 months.
Now that the email has come, I called Lawyer too see whats the plan forward. I have one part of the divorce I am financially obligated too. I just need an account and routing number to do it. I havent responded to the email.. Not even sure what to say, other than validating the email and saying, okay, the name is not going to ruin me if she uses it or not. I dont want to get into a conversation per say, just need to know when to start sending money..
There are two paths one walks during divorce - emotional/spiritual and business. Keep them separate. Stick to business while on the business side of things.
Set up your financial obligations. Automatic payments might be best; then you don’t need to get dragged about or bothered monthly (or whatever time arrangements are agreed upon). Utilize your L if needed to set things up. No need to converse with XW. Divorce is a business deal gone sideways. Treat it that way.
With the business side basically sorted out that leaves the other path - emotional. The emotional (and spiritual) path is more a life’s journey. The important part of this journey is not the destination, it’s the journey itself. How you conduct yourself. What you do. And why. The journey is the goal, is it’s own destination.
Stand tall. Remain responsible to your obligations. Walk with strength and grace.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I responded. I told her I would need her routing number, acc etc and when she will need it started. I asked my lawyer to tell me how long I will be required to do it for. When she marries of course, and I think Medicare? Medicaid? Not sure, that's why I have a lawyer. These are just little speed bumps I need to overcome. It will be a journey..
