WAW w/Exit Affair or WW? - 1 Year Divorced (7)

[BL42]

It's been over a month and a half since my last update. Between school starting for the kids and coaching soccer, it's been a fairly busy Fall.

The biggest note is D3 is now D4! She's getting to be such a little lady. I pulled off a fantastic Tinkerbell themed party for her with banners, streamers, balloons, and fairies all over the house, and my parents and sister's family came including my niece (D4's cousin) and we got a great picture of the two of them in their Disney Tinkerbell costumes. This month my niece had a birthday party (she turned 3) and it was ballerina themed party. Very cute...but poor S7 with all the fairies and ballerinas! LOL (he's actually a really good sport about it).

I have to admit I feel a great deal of pressure/stress/anxiety sometimes pulling these events together because I feel the need to make it "perfect" for the kids, probably guilt of the D and their situation going back and forth from houses (even if it wasn't my choice). Running up to her birthday D4 had mentioned several times wanting to go back to the water park for her birthday (I took them earlier this year for my 40th), and I try to fit everything in but there were too many logistics and I just couldn't make it happen that weekend. However, I did take them this month over a school and made a big deal we were going because it was her birthday wish and we had a great time. So I got it done and she loved it. I know those feelings of pressure/stress/anxiety to make it perfect for them are going to bubble up in me come with Christmas coming up as well. I need to learn it's ok not to fit in everything and make everything "perfect" for them and just go a little easier on myself and relax a bit. It's tough to handle all aspects of parenting without a partner. There's still all the responsibilities two parents would normally share (laundry, cooking, cleaning, buying clothes, yard work, kids activities...etc.) in BOTH houses, but it's just me. Granted, my parents have been a godsend so thankfully I have support.

I traveled to Florida for work earlier this month for a leadership F2F. It was great to spend time with folks I hadn't seen in 2-3 years, and even meet several for the first time ever in person. I also had a dinner and an afternoon on site with 3 of my employees who have been working for me for several years whom I had never met in person! Between budget issues a few years ago and then COVID, it's been challenging...I didn't even know what one of the guys looked like - but immediately recognized his voice. So that was a nice trip. I had been hoping to take the kids and my parents with me and enjoy the pools and parks down there, and then fly them back with my parents, but the logistics were too much - had to let that go. It was also odd to be making travel arrangements when a Cat4 hurricane was barreling down and the governor called a state of emergency, but things were settled down by our week and things went smoothly.

I've actively avoided asking for schedule changes with ExW because I just don't want to deal with it, but couldn't avoid it with this work trip. She's been accommodating in some instances - rearranged the schedule for my work trip and let me take the kids to my niece / their cousin's birthday party - but given me some grief in other areas. She wrote me this whole scathing email about how S7 shouldn't play soccer and baseball one Saturday (even though he enthusiastically wanted to) and how he got tired and cranky later at a event she arranged. In another case pushed back on her having to bring both of his jerseys to a scrimmage - but that's what all the players do, and really how difficult is that? - meanwhile I'm coordinating the whole team and coaching several times a week. So who knows, but I just to just brush those type of emails off and not let it impact my day.

On the personal front...I grew a beard! That's a 180 for me. I've almost always been clean-shaven or a little scruff but basically just stopped shaving after returning from the beach vacation two months ago other than a little clean up on the neck and cheeks. And it was getting a little bit unwieldly so I went to a barber to shape it this weekend. It's gotten A LOT of comments, all compliments. I joked half the town's been talking about. One example is last I went over to my buddy and his fiancés place to give them a gift. I haven't seen them in awhile and when I walked in his fiancé said "Oh wow BL42, I LIKE the beard. You HAVE to keep that.", but in like a way that was just a little too enthusiastic and my buddy made a comment about her compliment like "geez, settle down" lol.

No official dating going on - I deleted my OLD app profiles several months back - but have gotten some women reaching out indirectly. One is a mom I see at school pickup and I coached her son. She friended me on SM and started messaging me, throwing compliments my way both in person and on SM such as "nice haricut BL42", "you're an incredible dad, never seen a dad so involved", asked "are you trying to make me jealous with your Florida trip?", saying "I have to admit, that beard is working for you"...etc., but my impression was she's married, so when I got back from my work trip I asked what her status was and she said "it's complicated" and she asked me why I asked, so I said "well I thought you were married, so didn't want anything inappropriate" and she responded about how weird and awkward she felt now and how she didn't mean it that way at all and that people misunderstand her (but I'm pretty sure she did) and how she was going to delete the message and start over. But now she started messaging me again. I've seen her and the father of her kid being very separate at events and obviously something is going on between them, and she's reaching out to me (and perhaps others, who knows), but I want no part of even talking inappropriately if she's still married and if "it's complicated".

Anyway...I may jump back into OLD at some point. It feels weird, but had my buddy take my picture tee'ing off yesterday because I have ten thousand pictures of the kids over the last couple years but very few of me so I'm thinking a couple of me doing activities would be good.

So that's my deal...this week will be prepping for Halloween with the kiddos.