Boundary after big D part deux

[DnJ]

Hello Mach

I hate this gutted feeling..
I read a article explaining how the brain process pain/hurt more efficiently than pleasure/happiness.
It does it to protect itself from future pain/hurt. Makes a person more guarded, instinct. And two chemicals are put into your body when hurt, vice not hurt as its another set of chemicals...
I wish I could subdue that feeling... Breathing helps.. Maybe meditation will help..

Yes, the default process is to guard against future possible pain(s). Touching a hot stove is usually done only once, and one becomes guarded to that. Fear plays into that process. Fear of hurt.

With heartache and heartbreak the default tends towards hardening against the hurt. Guarding against a possible future heartache. As said, it is the default. However, you are master and commander of your ship. You control you, and you can influence you. My advice, let go the fear, and keep your heart soft and squishy. That goes counter to one’s instinctive protective mechanism; it’s like touching the stove again.

Seeking better and not bitter, letting go fears, being open and vulnerable, takes purposeful thoughts and actions. In time, those actions and thoughts influence and accumulate and take hold within. It then becomes. Or more accurately - you become.

Breathing does help. Finding calm helps. Not trying to force the process, rather gently steering it, helps. A lot of answers will reveal themselves when you are calm. And for questions you may not even realize you were considering.

That, is a big part of this. The changes and influences affect your subconscious self. You only control your conscious self, which influences that below the surface stuff. Being at peace allows the hidden things to reveal.

The mind is incredible powerful. In fact, it creates and provides your reality. Everything you experience your mind interprets and alters your world view. Therefore, something you can do - be accurate in thought and heart. Words have power! Your mind is always listening. What you say, your mind will make reality.

I hate this gutted feeling..

And your mind will reinforce that feeling of hate. (And you don’t want to feel hate towards your path. Be better, not bitter.)

It is good to acknowledge what we feel, however try not to tie more feelings to it.

For example: I just feel so gutted.

You’ve acknowledged the hurt and not muddy the waters. It is easier and faster to find one’s way through the bog when things are less stirred up.

I wish I could subdue that feeling...

One does not conquer their feelings. One finds understanding of them. That’s basically what acceptance is, emotional understanding.

Feelings are fleeting. Merely temporary. Extinguishing rather quickly, unless reinforced.

Thoughts are even speedier. And are directly controllable by us.

Beliefs, values, convictions. Those are slow to change. It is this property that make them excellent headings for life.

It’s our thoughts and feelings and actions that influence our beliefs. And one’s belief system is the underpinning for everything about them.

Part of our inner work is examining our convictions/beliefs. Strengthen those that serve; craft those you aspire to; and alter or discard those that do not serve. (It is surprising what one believes after being discarded by one’s spouse.)

What we do and say, if done often enough, we will eventually believe. Ensure it serves. Don’t want to come to believe you hate something. It’s that unintentional reinforcement, that unrealized power over self that skews one’s path away from their desired goals. Of course, now you know better.

D