By nature I am a fixer. I want to fix everything. Maybe deep down she was a women I wanted to fix, if that makes sense. But, when it went south, I had no way to fix it. There is something deep in there, I know.. When we got divorced, maybe I felt I failed in not fixing my own marriage.. The part about no feeling I deserve better. Interesting. I wonder how I would relate that to me as a person. Career, cars, house, foods, gifts.. hmmm, I wonder if I have a issue with myself.
By nature I am a fixer. I want to fix everything. Maybe deep down she was a women I wanted to fix, if that makes sense.
Totally makes sense. Men are fixers. Yes it makes sense. But to fix her she has to believe she is broken. Even if she was broken, you can't fix her.
Originally Posted by Mach40
But, when it went south, I had no way to fix it. There is something deep in there, I know..
I would start with a feeling of loss of control.
Originally Posted by Mach40
When we got divorced, maybe I felt I failed in not fixing my own marriage..
Maybe but it takes two to fix a marriage.
Originally Posted by Mach40
The part about no feeling I deserve better. Interesting. I wonder how I would relate that to me as a person. Career, cars, house, foods, gifts.. hmmm, I wonder if I have a issue with myself.
Most here do because they have been beaten down battered and broken after bomb drop. It's up to you to rise from the ashes. You will eventually, it just takes time and you moving in a positive direction.
I don't want to see you here 5 years from now still pondering the whys.
Breakups are hard because our identity becomes wrapped up in who we are as a person in the relationship. When that person is gone from our lives, we often feel like we don’t know who we are anymore, because so much of our life revolves around being in a relationship that no longer exists. It takes time to heal and rebuild your life to get back to a place where you love and enjoy your time being single and learning to have fun again. It often takes several years of being single, learning from your past and enjoying your life before you are truly ready for a new love story to happen. Give yourself permission to be a beginner again and create who you are and who you want to become. Life is a process of constant re-creation.
The journey forward wont be easy. My ex had family, and friends she knew all the way back to childhood that helped her move forward. They enabled her. I need to find a group of people to go forward with..
So you probably want someone in between. You don’t want to have to save someone but you probably don’t want someone who moves a mountain for you. You want consistent effort on both sides.
