Maybe, maybe not

[LH19]

And of course I didn’t want to come back and know that the first thing I would hear is the “she never follows through and always says she’s leaving” I also know if I am going to put my stuff on here I have to take what comes with that.

Nah. We knew you would be back once you realized you didn't force a couple posters off the board.

I started my new position. The first week or so had me freaked out. Lots of politics, some “bullying” and crazy stuff. By week 3 I was totally on my own. My boss above me went on vacation and the one who was training me moved to FL. I became in charge just like for a week. I nailed it, if I might say so myself. I also gained the trust and respect of my staff. It’s a hard job for sure and it’s a 24/7 job. I deal with people above me and below me and a lot of personalities. But it is a strength of mine. I’ve went to a few work related events outside of work that really helped me get to know my staff. I’ve been getting nothing but positive feed back. Today we were really short handed. When I sent out todays assignment I sent a separate email validating and ensuring I here to help them and I appreciate their hard work and flexibility. I got a separate email from from one of my staff saying “ I just had to let you know that was one of the nicest emails since I’ve worked here that I ever received regarding call outs, thanks!” It my day. I know when I was in their position what I valued was that I was supported for my efforts and recognized. Again, not an easy job but exactly what I needed. And my role here is this big hospital ( #1 hospital in my state) wouldn’t have been the same at my other hospital. We also got a 4% raise across the board which I got on top of my 6% and that was nice! My paycheck now is actually more than what I made with My per diem job and my old job. And now I still work a day or 3 a month at my other job. So money will be looking a little better.

This is really good stuff and you should be proud.

I still go to the gym. I also started a new medication which is finally helping with my insulin resistance and my weight is starting to fall off. I broke my plateau .

This is really great stuff and you should keep going full steam ahead BUT..........

And at opening game Saturday someone else was there and texted me because he knew I would be there. We met up at second intermission. And well, the feelings never died on either side.

and then there is this. What feelings? The feelings that keep you apart?

However, he is still needing to be single.

Hmmm this sounds familiar. Did you by chance agree to be FTK Friends that kiss?

And yes, we did hang out and yes we chat. Is it a messed up situation? Yes.

I wish Albert Einstein was alive today to say it.

We both have those feelings for each other but the timing is still awful.

WTF does this mean?

The good news is I have been just too busy to even date for real at all ( also off all apps for a while because they were making me sick) and I just resolved to just live life.

If you had truly resolved to live life you wouldn't be stuck AGAIN in one of these F'd up make believe agreements.

I have been too busy and focused on work anyways.

That should be 100% of your focus.

And I just didn’t care anymore.

We know you don't care anymore. Then you'll get the I need to be single call and you will be in pain again.

So while we are talking, I already kind of resolved to not pursue anything for a while. So we will see. Might just be a FWB situation. Who knows .

Very sad too read. You are better than this but until you actually believe it everyday will be Ground Hog's Day.

Another blast from my last came back as well. This is the second time he Circled back. I am bit interested. He really tried to convince me to be, but I am not. I guess it’s that time of the year, who knows.

You are interested in a guy who has dumped you twice already? WTF????

But I am truly content with life presently.

Are you?

Is it still a struggle ? Yup. But I’m happy.

Are you?

Things are going well. And I am proud of me, because I built all of this myself. No one else, just me.

You should be proud of that and start to believe it.

My kid is doing great and I take a good amount of credit for that. She’s the best teenage girl I could have asked for even though we butt beads like sisters sometimes.

That's great.

I’m healthy. I am gainfully employed. I have solid friendships. I am truly content .

Are you?

Will I hit the send button this time? Let’s seeeeee

You know the answers that were coming. Unless something changes and you start to mean what you say nothing is going to change. It's really sad to read the same thing over and over. But hey you are happy.