I do like the lighthouse. Solid foundation. Able to withstand the storms of life. Secure in its footings. Shines brightly. Does not run after lost sailors or folks to rescue.
Standing is not standing still.
At first, we are so hurt that we stand for our marriage and spouse; it’s the default position. We promise anything under the sun if only God, fate, the universe, etc, would just turn our spouse around and restore things. (Ah, bargaining. The last vestige of trying to feel the old normal before we move on to depression. Such is the normal process of grief.)
Eventually, one heals.
When one heals enough to stand down, is when standing really starts. IMHO. This when one’s convictions are tested. Some stand for a short while; some a long while; and some are covenant keepers, upholding their vows until death do part. We all find our path which serves. (Some folks mistake their temporary feeling of indifference as being over and fully let go. Indifference does roll back, and feeling so return.)
Letting go and acceptance comes. And hopefully forgiveness as well. This ushers in much peace and contentment, and a pretty fantastic life and outlook. (This is the good time to consider dating. Being healed before starting up with someone new.)
Dating or not, standing or not, are not indicative of how stuck one is or how free one is. One is stuck if their life, and life’s feedback are not what they want, and they are not efforting towards their goals. Rinse and repeat behavior's with the same unwanted outcomes seem a rather stuck situation.
A lighthouse stands. As an analogy: It doesn’t run after life, rather life comes to it. I like that serenity.
(Of course, vacations, trips, outings, etc. all happen. I’m speaking more the emotional journey of the shining lighthouse. smile )
Dnj" Thnx for all of this. I will drink the water, but I am going to need to leading to it. There is allot of wisdom here. I am hoping when I get back home, I find a group, sanctuary to live.. I have asked mu IC for a group of like minded people to group therapy with or socialize with. Nothing yet. My neighbor pointed our a Church too, I will give that a try.. Holidays are coming and it hurts knowing a man is with her, and making her happy.. Thats tough.
