Action 2

[BL42]

Rockon,

If she stops in unannounced, I plan to say I gotta go.

Even better...already BE out because you have fun plans and an awesome life.

She very likely will come over to spend time with D as well.

She could meet up with D at a cafe or her mother's house, no? It's OK to establish boundaries about popping over if she moved out and you're separated.

She has been texting me from her trip already. She wanted to find out about S’s treatment update (special mental health needs)

What have your responses been like? It's it's just business about S's treatment I think that's ok, but be slow to respond - she left you to care for him to go see her AP - and be careful not to make it more.

If she says I’m back from my trip and I wanna work on our marriage now, then I will say “oh really. What do you mean by that?”

If she says, “I’ve made a terrible mistake. I’m very sorry.I really love you and I want to reconcile with you,” I will say, “thank you. I need to consider my options.”

Good proposed responses to those theoretical comments, but you better prepare yourself mentally she will not be saying those things. If she just had a trip and met with AP it's likely her head and heart have roses and butterflies for him and she's all hopped up on the affair. Typically after a meeting like that they're all hopped up on the affair and not thinking reconcile and save the marriage.

How do you talk to your kids about the sitch?

Your kids are adults so that's a different conversation than with a 5yo, but I'd keep it limited. They know their mom moved out so things are rocky. Simply tell them you and W are having an issue with your marriage and leave it at that. They're not dumb, they'll know what's going on and who's responsible all on their own without you saying anything - no need to get into details with them. Keep it within the marriage.