Hey LH. Sorry for not responding to your bat signal right away...but thanks for checking in!
Things are going pretty well. I am generally happy with life and finally starting to get out of my own head, for the most part. IC, this forum, and the passage of time have been beneficial.
A few weeks ago I spearheaded a birthday party for S9. I ordered the invitations (he wasn't enamored with what local stores had on hand), filled them out, ordered the cake, bought and filled party favor bags, loaded up a pinata, and planned and ran kiddie games in the backyard. BL42 would have been proud. W had a good time as she's friends with some of the mothers who brought their kids, but I basically ran the whole show. I'm not trying to pat myself on the back but I'm increasingly confident I could thrive in the single dad role if and when the time comes.
I continue the trend from this summer of doing more with the kids than W. I think she feels a little guilty about it, but she appears to be neck deep in MLC mode, giving lots of attention to her appearance and running events. That said, we still live a largely normal domestic existence.
The other week, a twinge of annoyance got the best of me when W was bashing my parents (one of her favorite pastimes), and I blurted out, "So, are you getting an apartment, or what?" If you recall, back early in the summer W became enamored with the nesting idea after two of her old friends planned to try it. This was the first utterance of anything relationship-related from either of us since late July or early August with the MC. She seemed a bit taken aback and said, "No, I don't have any plans" and then followed me back to the bedroom and said, "We have a family." I tried to put the pin back in that grenade and moved on.
As Mach1 tends to say, MLCers are all over the place - up one minute and down the next. In my particular case, W has always been indecisive and sometimes paralyzed by big decisions. I really don't get a vibe that she's inclined to do anything. Which means I may have to lean into a big decision myself next summer if the status quo remains - how much of a diabetic coma from so much cake-eating am I willing to endure? LH, I can't help but again think about your wife coasting for a year before meeting OM2 through your daughter's friend. (How did you not beat that guy's @ss, by the way? You seem pretty alpha.)
Also, W still apparently plans to follow through with the breast augmentation this winter, so I may have to make a decision with the joint checking account and my direct deposit.
The younger two boys we have both generally continue to gravitate towards W as a sort of Parent A, so that also weighs on my mind as being the one to pull the trigger on a separation. Again, that's not on the front burner in any way other than me thinking about a drop-dead date.
Here are a few lines I try to keep in my head, that have helped:
"You can't give too much space in these situations" - LH19
"Who gives AF what W is up to - what have you been doing for yourself?" - LH and Mach
"If you're trying to save your marriage, there's likely going to be some cake-eating" - LH
