She has also talked with a friend who filed for divorce by having her and her husband fill out the paperwork and just having a L review everything at the end to save money. W said she intends to do the same thing eventually, which will only cause problems if we can’t agree on the big items.
This is actually a really good idea IF you guys can come to an agreement.
Originally Posted by DW17
I don’t think she has a clue how much child support and alimony she is entitled to per the L’s I talked to. They didn’t give $ amounts, but said she would be better off than me. If we work through things without her getting a L, do I even bring this up, or just let her sift through it on her own and only fight it if I don’t like the results?
YOU LET HER FIGURE OUT ON HER OWN.
Originally Posted by DW17
Do I just try to avoid any talk about D altogether?
You don't bring it up and if she asks questions about it just say "I need to think about it".
Originally Posted by DW17
Previous conversations seemed like she was just venting and would move on the next day. Her words the past few days seem like actual plans.
What's going to happen is going to happen DW. You have zero control over it right now.
Originally Posted by DW17
Maybe I just need to give it some time and try not to react too much in either direction, as her current plan extends out until June when D18 graduates. A lot can and likely will change by then. But for the first time it feels like D is inevitable.
What do you mean react too much in either direction?
Originally Posted by DW17
W’s biggest concern right now is making sure we don’t mess up D18’s senior year of high school so she wants us to work together, even if that means her moving downstairs until D18 is done with school.
Your W is at least thinking about her children. Not all can say that.
Originally Posted by DW17
I’m still not sure how to handle this situation. She suggests things but doesn’t actually do them. Is the cake eating until I make a decision so she can paint me as the bad guy? I know you guys have given advice here, but do I just basically kick her out of the room? If she asks why, do I mention her texting OM all day? (No, because I’m not supposed to talk about OM) Or do I just say that separated people don’t sleep in the same bed? Do I just ignore it and let things play out until our eventual D? I’d rather be the decision maker than the person waiting to see what happens, but it still feels like the wrong move either way.
What decision are your making? Well technically you can't kick her out of the room. You can suggest she sleeps elsewhere. Why does it feel like the wrong move either way?
Originally Posted by DW17
W has gotten mad at me for lack of communication and ignoring her, which is probably justified.
Why are you ignoring her?
Originally Posted by DW17
I read in a post here that if you are ignoring, you are doing things wrong.
Depends on what you are ignoring
Originally Posted by DW17
I’m by no means wanting to nice her back, as I know that doesn’t work, but it feels like there’s something to be said for at least enjoying your time around each other before it’s gone.
Why would you enjoy spending time with someone who has multiple affairs and is planning to leave you?
Originally Posted by DW17
I don’t want to be in the friend zone, but it also feels weird having such minimal communication and it has led to some confusion/frustration over daily plans.
What is confusion/frustration over daily plans?
Originally Posted by DW17
I don’t know. I think I may have pivoted a little too far toward ignoring and may need to shift a little more toward aloof yet available, while being conscious of my boundaries of not doing things for her.
You shouldn't ignore her your answers should be brief and you should not be available because you should always be out doing something.
Originally Posted by DW17
Just being friendly and validating her feelings. Or maybe I was doing things right and I should continue with that. It’s a tough line to walk.
You are way over thinking it. How you act right now has zero effect on her decision.
Originally Posted by DW17
My wife’s cousin reached out to me to offer support and asked me to join them at the pumpkin patch this weekend. I decided that I will go. I look forward to it every year. She has been pretty much the only constant support for me, W and the kids through our entire relationship, even though she lives 3 hours away. I’ve been closer to her family than my own. It feels like the right decision.
