Wolfman moving forward 4

[Dawn70]

I agree with T that your communication style comes across as patronizing, Wolf, and I’m a complete stranger reading about it in your own version of the story, not experiencing it in real life, which tells me that it is likely even more patronizing in person. So, how do you fix that? STOP telling her how she feels or how something is supposed to make her feel. You should absolutely tell her how things she says and does make you feel but that’s as far as you should go. Don’t follow that up by telling her how that same thing would make her feel. I also agree with LH that your stilted validation probably just makes it worse. I’d want to punch you if you kept telling me how I was supposed to feel about something.

I still think you don’t listen enough. You are listening to reply instead of listening to understand and then give a thoughtful and helpful reply. In fact, I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if the running dialogue in your head was telling you “if she says this, I’m going to say that” the whole time she’s talking so you are planning your rebuttal instead of really trying to understand.

LH said y’all sound like an old married couple. I thought you sounded more like children. I know you’ve said before she is younger than you but it sounds like you both communicate on a much younger level than your actual ages.

I feel bad for both of you, Wolf. Yeah, you seem to be doing the lion’s share here. Hopefully the therapist can help you work through some things.