Spa Guy sounds more like a fearful avoidant than a distant avoidant, in that he keeps an emotional distance, but wants to be in love. As a medical pro and someone who cares about him, it must be frustrating you can't help him overcome that. He even has a lady already somewhat interested in him who Stands By Her Man ala Tammy Wynette.
You may be right, Traveler. I'm reminded of the comment my BFF made once: "Love Avoidants need love too". But he's been this way his entire adult life so I have no illusions about changing him. I really respected that he was so up front about it in the beginning, so I never felt disappointed. And he's handsome and charming enough that he will never lack for female companionship.
I THINK he ghosted me because he (mistakenly) thought I needed more than he had to give at that time (I was recovering from the crazy breakup with crazy exBF when I last saw him). It's remotely possible that he ghosted me because he felt himself at risk of being pulled into my orbit but I really doubt that.
I believe he has genuine fondness for me, and enjoyed himself when I visited, but never enough to consider changing his lifestyle. And that's okay by me - at this point in my life, I don't really want a guy who is a "fixer-upper". I'm content to be his friend, maybe with occasional benefits when I'm not in a relationship.
You'll be glad to know, T, that I am keeping up my exercise bike habit. 60 minutes at level 6 (out of 8) 6-7 nights a week. My quads are looking good but I need to figure out a good hamstring workout to do at home.
Ok, T, I don't put much stock into the lyrics of songs that old boyfriends send to me - mostly I think they just like the music and aren't listening that much to the lyrics, I've learned not to take them as "messages" to me. But along the lines of your previous comment, here's the lyrics to Come to My Door by Jose James, a song Spa Guy just sent to me (It's a beautiful song, btw):
So long we've been distant now Since you set out on your own You told me you had to find something to believe in Never thought you'd ever leave But as you walked out the door I pray that you will soon find All that you needed
And while you're out there on your own If the rain starts falling Or you get too cold If you need a place to go
Oh, I just want you to know It's alright, it's alright, it's alright Oh, you can Come to My Door I don't mind, I don't mind I don't mind at all
So long you've been searching now But still I can see your face The memories numb this pain Just for a moment At night I lie sometimes Awake in my bed Repeating over and over Our conversation
Right now as the moon is shining I know you're out somewhere And you're doing fine If you're ever feeling lonely
Oh I just want you to know It's alright, it's alright, it's alright Oh, you can Come to My Door I don't mind, I don't mind, I don't mind at all
And on that faithful day You know I will be waiting, oh You smile at me, then say You loved me all along And you come home
Oh, I just want you to know It's alright, it's alright, it's alright Oh, you can Come to My Door I don't mind, I don't mind I don't mind at all
Oh, I just want you to know It's alright, alright, alright Oh, you can Come to My Door I don't mind, I don't mind I don't mind at all Oh, I just want you to know It's alright, it's alright, it's alright Oh, you can Come to My Door I don't mind, I don't mind I don't mind at all
Oh, I just want you to know It's alright, it's alright, it's alright Oh, I just want you to know It's alright Can Come to My Door Yeah it's alright You can Come to My Door I don't mind, don't mind
Thanks for sharing--such a beautiful song and lyrics. I listened to the acoustic version a few times while driving yesterday. Yes, could be an invitation, from a guy who hides his sense of romance well!
That being said - I learned long ago that old boyfriends that send me songs don't usually think deeply about how the lyrics might be received. If anything, he might just be thinking "sure, I'd like it if she turned up for a booty call". And that probably means he would be receptive if I offered to come visit. I don't read anything more into it than that though. Once I'm back from my Hawaiian vacation I may offer to come visit.
Meanwhile, I got my Henry Lau CD in the mail yesterday (yes, I'm old, and I have a CD player in my car lol). Going to try to work on my Korean pronunciation by singing along to some Kpop.
Also - Public Service Announcement here - get your flu shots promptly, people. Like yesterday. Australia had a bad flu season this summer. And I just learned that a local high school has 1,000 of its 2600 students out sick with influenza (not Covid). Normally we don't get high numbers of influenza cases until late December in my city. These are shocking numbers and shockingly early, suggesting flu season will be terrible this year.
In Hawaii on vacation with my sister and three of my nieces. Today we went kayaking and snorkeling with sea turtles. I haven’t seen any of them since before the pandemic, so far it has been a great trip.
Glad you could see sea turtles again. ..and your nieces, on an active vacation! Sounds idyllic. Each island is so different, with unique volcanos and lush forests. Enjoy your time! Hope the "climbing" niece is there.
Life's swell here. My D17 taught my S13 to bake cookies using a new recipe she found online. It's like--What?! There IS an adult in there! Applying to schools. Introspection in more productive ways. Fun stuff.
My quads are looking good but I need to figure out a good hamstring workout to do at home.
