Maybe you’re misinterpreting her struggles as something you must fix.
You think you need to do more dishes, more feeding, more cleaning, more organising to make her life easier and easier. You keep doing more and more, and she still seems unhappy.
Maybe the problem here is that you are trying to fix. Maybe she is just struggling and wants someone to understand.
Perhaps if you come home and she says there’s too many dishes, or she needs to study, or she doesn’t have enough time, you could just listen.
“That sounds really tough.” “I can’t imagine how hard it is for you trying to study and be a full time Mum.” “You must be exhausted.” “At least I get to go to work out of the house. You must feel trapped here - it’s either studying or being Mum 24/7.” “Part of you must desperately need a break.”
She wants her struggles to be heard and seen by you, not fixed. The evidence is right in front of you - because you keep doing more, but she’s still no happier.
Don’t use phrases like: “Well I can do more dishes” “Why don’t we get a cleaner” “Perhaps you should defer your study until baby is older” “If we just do x, then y should be easier” “Why don’t you…”
Men are amazing because we fix. We are also absolutely terrible, because all we do is try to fix. She just wants to be heard.
