I don't think not texting happy birthday to his ExW makes him a mean guy. Imo stopping those actions might help him start letting go and moving on.
I didn't say it made him a mean guy. I wanted him to think about why he isn't doing it. I don't do it because people who treat me badly don't get my time.
I have seen families that have become friends after some time. But, they all had someone with them when they did return. Like a security blanket.. Too expedite my issue, I am going to keep writing a journal of things that were not positive for a relationship. Cause and effect. I am allot of the cause too. My oldest was a catalyst for many hard years in the beginning of our relationship. Rough times, and we fed on each other. I am more the aggressor, fixer. She was/is more hide, and not talk about how to fix things, like bottling up emotions. The relationship got better ( in an amicable way, stay with him till children are able to move on etc) over the years, but, as she said, she never was able to get over the first few years. Allot of angst. So, since this is not going to go well, reconcile etc, I need to do everything I can mentally to forget it the good and focus on the bad to alleviate the pain..
Too expedite my issue, I am going to keep writing a journal of things that were not positive for a relationship.
It's interesting to look back the relationship more objectively after time passes and realize things weren't always as rosey as they seemed after BD.
Originally Posted by Mach40
I am allot of the cause too.
What were your failings and what are your areas for improvement in your next relationship?
Originally Posted by Mach40
The relationship got better ( in an amicable way, stay with him till children are able to move on etc) over the years, but, as she said, she never was able to get over the first few years. Allot of angst.
I don't know your detailed history, but it seems like that's a tough way for her to look at things. No one has it easy their entire marriage, and young kids are typically a stressor / pressure for the relationship. You two have a much longer history than a few years.
Originally Posted by Mach40
So, since this is not going to go well, reconcile etc, I need to do everything I can mentally to forget it the good and focus on the bad to alleviate the pain..
Maybe for now it'll help you move forward, but hopefully over the long run you'll be able to see the balance of negative and positive and appreciate the relationship for what it was. Like you said...kids and grandkids are a major plus.
Originally Posted by Mach40
Went to a rodeo tonight. Lots of fun
That's awesome! Glad to see you get out. How long did you stay on the Bucking Bronco??? LOL
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Too expedite my issue, I am going to keep writing a journal of things that were not positive for a relationship.
It's interesting to look back the relationship more objectively after time passes and realize things weren't always as rosey as they seemed after BD.
Originally Posted by Mach40
I am allot of the cause too.
What were your failings and what are your areas for improvement in your next relationship?
Originally Posted by Mach40
The relationship got better ( in an amicable way, stay with him till children are able to move on etc) over the years, but, as she said, she never was able to get over the first few years. Allot of angst.
I don't know your detailed history, but it seems like that's a tough way for her to look at things. No one has it easy their entire marriage, and young kids are typically a stressor / pressure for the relationship. You two have a much longer history than a few years.
Originally Posted by Mach40
So, since this is not going to go well, reconcile etc, I need to do everything I can mentally to forget it the good and focus on the bad to alleviate the pain..
Maybe for now it'll help you move forward, but hopefully over the long run you'll be able to see the balance of negative and positive and appreciate the relationship for what it was. Like you said...kids and grandkids are a major plus.
Originally Posted by Mach40
Went to a rodeo tonight. Lots of fun
That's awesome! Glad to see you get out. How long did you stay on the Bucking Bronco??? LOL
My failings were many. Lack of knowing what to expect when being married. I had no clue what do to being married, from communicating to her to nurturing our relationship, working at as if I was courting her everyday.. many things. Divorcebusting talks of many things throughout where I failed. Its as if I was the person they wrote it about. Thats not being totally accurate, but you know what I mean. I am blessed my daughters are very close to me now. Very close. We are the family unit , with the absence of their mother, that we should have been.. With time people mature.. The grand baby was loving the rodeo. Broncos, Bulls, the clowns and barrel racing. Just had a blast.. My youngest really liked the lifestyle of rodeo stereotypes. I can see the alure. Very hard work. I am sure over time, I will balance out the negatives and positives and start to focus on more positives. It will take time..
Too expedite my issue, I am going to keep writing a journal of things that were not positive for a relationship.
It's interesting to look back the relationship more objectively after time passes and realize things weren't always as rosey as they seemed after BD.
Originally Posted by Mach40
I am allot of the cause too.
What were your failings and what are your areas for improvement in your next relationship?
Originally Posted by Mach40
The relationship got better ( in an amicable way, stay with him till children are able to move on etc) over the years, but, as she said, she never was able to get over the first few years. Allot of angst.
I don't know your detailed history, but it seems like that's a tough way for her to look at things. No one has it easy their entire marriage, and young kids are typically a stressor / pressure for the relationship. You two have a much longer history than a few years.
Originally Posted by Mach40
So, since this is not going to go well, reconcile etc, I need to do everything I can mentally to forget it the good and focus on the bad to alleviate the pain..
Maybe for now it'll help you move forward, but hopefully over the long run you'll be able to see the balance of negative and positive and appreciate the relationship for what it was. Like you said...kids and grandkids are a major plus.
Originally Posted by Mach40
Went to a rodeo tonight. Lots of fun
That's awesome! Glad to see you get out. How long did you stay on the Bucking Bronco??? LOL
My failings were many. Lack of knowing what to expect when being married. I had no clue what do to being married, from communicating to her to nurturing our relationship, working at as if I was courting her everyday.. many things. Divorcebusting talks of many things throughout where I failed. Its as if I was the person they wrote it about. Thats not being totally accurate, but you know what I mean. I am blessed my daughters are very close to me now. Very close. We are the family unit , with the absence of their mother, that we should have been.. With time people mature.. The grand baby was loving the rodeo. Broncos, Bulls, the clowns and barrel racing. Just had a blast.. My youngest really liked the lifestyle of rodeo stereotypes. I can see the alure. Very hard work. I am sure over time, I will balance out the negatives and positives and start to focus on more positives. It will take time..
