#2 is because I know W will need someone around her who actually understands her situation (past/present) to help her if she ever moves on from whatever is going on in her head right now. I am confident that her circle of friends/family/AP are incapable of that. I am being fired from that job right now and it is entirely out of my control if I get rehired. I may not even want that job in the future. I don’t even know if I want it today. But I know I will be hurt if she hits rock bottom and has nowhere else to turn. Maybe this is attachment still. I'm not sure. It'll be hard to stop caring about someone though, especially after 22 years.
Detaching from the madness is not the same as not caring...
You can still love her from a distance. Yet still not allow her to dictate your emotions to you.
Letting her own her crap, and watching from a safe distance is whats best for YOU...
All of that may or may not happen...
She may allow you to see it IF it does happen...
However, you can't get caught up in the when, where, how, who, and if of that...
She's spinning right now, grasping at straws trying to lay her problems at your feet...
I can't see one reason why you should both be spinning.
The more conflicted she feels, the more fuel (anger) she is going to burn trying to get away.
Don't buy any of it right now. Recognize what it is and how it affects you.
She has to do this....you can't do it for her.
You can't fix any of this for her. And that goes against the normal male behavioral pattern. We are by nature...'fixers' ....
You are gonna fight that urge more than anything else.
When, and if she is ready, you'll know
Originally Posted by DW17
I feel weirdly comfortable with everything right now. I have a tendency to overreact to or overanalyze individual things, but yesterday was the first time I think I truly thought about things from the perspective of a separated couple rather than a man trying to save his marriage. I reread my whole thread and you guys have been great with the help. It’s time to take your advice and start posting about my attempts at GAL and what’s going on with me. I’ll ask for guidance as needed, but I feel like you guys have me on the right path. Thanks!
It's the bounce...
One minute you are up, the next you feel like a dump truck is parked on you...
Know that it's gonna happen, and let the good times propel you through the rough times...
That's why GAL is important. You hopefully will distract yourself so much that you aren't sitting around dwelling on your situation.
GAL is also a fake it until you make it. Some of your GAL will stick with you, some will fall away in time. The trick is to try it all. Face your fears, and do the stuff you have always said you would never do.. yet secretly always wanted to do...
You also need to set some self goals, ones that do not include her or your situation. Some small goals just for you.
