I’ve got 2 L consultations scheduled for next Monday.
Good! Those consultations can't come soon enough.
Originally Posted by DW17
And I’ve kept a record of each day since it was recommended here and I did describe the text message/”argument” situation in detail.
Smart.
Originally Posted by DW17
The language seemed calculated.
Yes. I'd be very wary about that language.
Originally Posted by DW17
She told D18 that it is because she cannot leave her kids.
D18 isn't an idiot. She knows exactly what your W is up to.
Originally Posted by DW17
Then she started in with her tornado of thoughts/feelings/accusations
She can't possibility be responsible for her own unhappiness and her own bad actions. It has to be someone else. Who better to blame but her spouse? She's projecting her guilt and anger onto you.
Originally Posted by DW17
she puts my needs above hers
She's not going to put anyone's needs above her own right now - not her spouses, not her children. It's all about her right now. WS is the definition of selfishness.
Originally Posted by DW17
I’m mentally abusive
She is gaslighting you. DO NOT believe her BS. Do not allow her to make you blame yourself for her bad actions. She is having an affair (not her first). She is staying out all night drinking while her children are at home. That is not on you. You may have made mistakes and not been perfect - no one is - but don't believe you're to blame for her affair and her mental state.
Originally Posted by DW17
I mostly stayed quiet.
Originally Posted by DW17
I did not escalate anything and barely engaged.
Good. Don't be afraid to end it and walk away if she's lying, gaslighting, and manipulating. It's OK to stand up for yourself - you doing that isn't going to be the reason she leaves.
Originally Posted by DW17
#1 is to ensure D4 lives the best life possible. That is literally the exact reason we chose to adopt – to give a child the best life possible. That is the single hardest part of this situation for me.
I hear you on D4. Unfortunately that's entirely out of your hands. The only thing you can do is accept that, and be the best dad for D4 you can, regardless of W's decisions.
Originally Posted by DW17
But I know I will be hurt if she hits rock bottom and has nowhere else to turn.
Hitting rock bottom just might be the only way she'll change course. You can't stop her from taking this path.
Originally Posted by DW17
Maybe this is attachment still. I'm not sure. It'll be hard to stop caring about someone though, especially after 22 years.
Understandable. 22 years is a long time. Detachment is a process. It'll take time. Actually, it would be odd if you could 100% detach on a dime.
Originally Posted by DW17
I feel weirdly comfortable with everything right now.
Good! That's great. However, prepare yourself that things will come in waves. You've got a lot to process through over the next few years. You'll feel good and strong at times, and sad and lonely and angry at others. Just know that. The key is you're trending upwards.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21