Ex B day is Thursday. Card or not? Simple good bye letter in there, or just let it go altogether? Deep down I want her relationship to fail, terrible isnt it. My oldest seems to be stressing out about me. She is worried about me doing something rash like moving away. She is in a bad relationship and her daughter and I are very close. I am the grandpa that is going to end up helping raising her. I dont think she understands her Mother will also.
Morning. Its hard, but thanks. I once made comment to try and think about all the negative to help realize its time to go forward. I have removed all items, pics etc that remind me of her in my home. Slow process...Funny how our brain works, as it process's negative stuff more efficiently, probably so you know not to do it again. But, you dont forget. Time, and good philosophy, advice. The advice on this forum is great. Reading through it taking time, and overwhelming too.
Morning. Its hard, but thanks. I once made comment to try and think about all the negative to help realize its time to go forward. I have removed all items, pics etc that remind me of her in my home. Slow process...Funny how our brain works, as it process's negative stuff more efficiently, probably so you know not to do it again. But, you dont forget. Time, and good philosophy, advice. The advice on this forum is great. Reading through it taking time, and overwhelming too.
Ex B day is Thursday. Card or not? Simple good bye letter in there, or just let it go altogether?
Don't write a good bye letter. You'd just be stirring things up. At this point let it go. I don't think you need to wish her a happy birthday at all, but if you're going to do something I'm with LH on a simple text.
Originally Posted by Mach40
Deep down I want her relationship to fail, terrible isnt it.
It's not terrible; it's completely natural. Almost every LBS and probably many WAS/WSs have that very thought at times.
Originally Posted by Mach40
My oldest seems to be stressing out about me. She is worried about me doing something rash like moving away. She is in a bad relationship and her daughter and I are very close. I am the grandpa that is going to end up helping raising her. I dont think she understands her Mother will also.
Are you thinking of moving away?
Originally Posted by Mach40
I have removed all items, pics etc that remind me of her in my home. Slow process...Funny how our brain works, as it process's negative stuff more efficiently, probably so you know not to do it again. But, you dont forget.
Removing these things is a great way to process through.
How's your GAL going?
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Morning. Its hard, but thanks. I once made comment to try and think about all the negative to help realize its time to go forward. I have removed all items, pics etc that remind me of her in my home. Slow process...Funny how our brain works, as it process's negative stuff more efficiently, probably so you know not to do it again. But, you dont forget. Time, and good philosophy, advice. The advice on this forum is great. Reading through it taking time, and overwhelming too.
As we go through this, we have goals and expectations of what we think is going to happen. We have hope that everything will work out the way we want it. We anticipate the reconciliation that may happen one day , and hopefully, we do the WORK toward being a different person IF that were to happen....
What can also happen is that we can confuse what we call 'standing' , into just simply 'waiting' for something, anything to happen. Mostly, we 'wait' for our wayward spouse to wake up one morning and realize that they miss us and rekindle their undying devotion to us. And when that doesn't happen, it can affect us deeply. All of the pain and hurt that we feel after the bomb resurfaces. it is just as fresh, and new as the first day that we heard it...
Because we never expected this to happen...
We never pictured that their happiness could possibly come from someone other than us...
When that reality slaps us in the face, it F-ing hurts again.
What I can tell you is this.....
All of this has always been a reality, her dating, her being with someone new, her being happy with someone new. It's always been the desired outcome of hers....and what SHE has worked towards..
She didn't do any of this to intentionally hurt you or cause you pain.
She did this for herself.
And no matter how much it hurts, none of this is new information....
It's always been an option and on the table...
It's how you process it and deal with it that matters...
It is hard, yet not impossible...
Feel the pain and hurt and work toward a positive future for you. One where you evict all of that hurt, anger, and resentment. They won't serve you well in your future.
And stop looking toward her for your answers...she doesn't have them. You are the only one that does...
You'll get there..just keep going.
I told you the other day to find your balance between being friends, and being friendly...
Ex B day is Thursday. Card or not? Simple good bye letter in there, or just let it go altogether?
Don't write a good bye letter. You'd just be stirring things up. At this point let it go. I don't think you need to wish her a happy birthday at all, but if you're going to do something I'm with LH on a simple text.
Originally Posted by Mach40
Deep down I want her relationship to fail, terrible isnt it.
It's not terrible; it's completely natural. Almost every LBS and probably many WAS/WSs have that very thought at times.
Originally Posted by Mach40
My oldest seems to be stressing out about me. She is worried about me doing something rash like moving away. She is in a bad relationship and her daughter and I are very close. I am the grandpa that is going to end up helping raising her. I dont think she understands her Mother will also.
Are you thinking of moving away?
Originally Posted by Mach40
I have removed all items, pics etc that remind me of her in my home. Slow process...Funny how our brain works, as it process's negative stuff more efficiently, probably so you know not to do it again. But, you dont forget.
Removing these things is a great way to process through.
How's your GAL going?
Not going to move. I was thinking of moving westa few hrs away, but its not economical or a good idea right now. I am working on gal. Slow. Been going out more, more walking trails oit here to get healthier. Knees recouping.
Its good to hear from people here that have succeded in moving forward. My ex seems to have. My only issue , problem, is I have no person to talk to here, as my life revolved around work, and what family I did have. No real friends at all. Cant talk to BIL either.
Its good to hear from people here that have succeded in moving forward. My ex seems to have.
Mach your ex has moved forward because she probably started about 3-5 years ago and has never looked back. You haven't moved forward because you haven't tried yet. Her dating I think is finally made it real to you that she has moved on.
Originally Posted by Mach40
My only issue , problem, is I have no person to talk to here, as my life revolved around work, and what family I did have. No real friends at all. Cant talk to BIL either.
Its good to hear from people here that have succeded in moving forward. My ex seems to have.
Mach your ex has moved forward because she probably started about 3-5 years ago and has never looked back. You haven't moved forward because you haven't tried yet. Her dating I think is finally made it real to you that she has moved on.
Originally Posted by Mach40
My only issue , problem, is I have no person to talk to here, as my life revolved around work, and what family I did have. No real friends at all. Cant talk to BIL either.
Have you looked into meet-up groups?
I have not looked into meet up groups. When I get back from AK, i am going to Church, non denominational. Just to get some spiritual guidance. My ex is a super planner. She has been planning and executing her departure and move on for easily 5 years. She also didnt persue divorce as it would have hindered the kids lives. I think she stayed on for youngest to get into college, and oldest needed help after grand baby was born. Stayed for the kids, even though in separate homes.
