good for you for reading all the links. I know that was a lot of work, but it accomplished what I hoped it would for you in that you have the answers you sought. Sometimes the only way we can gain the clarity is by reading others' experiences, so we can then get a better frame of reference for our own sitch.

what old posts are you referring to? BL gave a good answer. We're here for you, in whatever capacity we can help. Hope you're well.

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver