If her new boyfriend is not an affair partner, what is your objection to being at holiday gatherings together? Not that you need to - I don’t do things like that with my ex because of how he treated me - but his new wife (who was not an affair partner) is not part of my decision making.
I dont want to see my replacement and deal with comparisons Pretty crappy reason. It bothers me. He maybe an awesome person. I dont need to sèe the guy that will get to spend siginficant time with my grandbaby, kids etc I have feelings right now and they are not feeling well.
LH is right….what you feel is normal so don’t sweat yourself about it. Nearly 8 years post divorce and I STILL don’t want to see my XH’s new spouse or spend time at functions with them together. I will if I have to, for the sake of my kids, but it will never be my preference. I don’t care to know the new woman or have a conversation with her. You seem to be handling it all pretty well, in my opinion.
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Its the gut feeling. Just painful. My Ex is a person that will bend over backwards to make her kids safe, happy etc etc. She is asking because it is easy for her to do, ask me to go to each event. I know if the tables were turned, and they were my kids, she wouldnt go because it would make her feel ill.. Its the reality. Nobody has the same feelings I do in all of this. Ex, Kids. They dont feel what I am feeling. If the new guy is THE GUY, then this will be a reoccurring issue. Kids are older, but grands will be around him quite a bit.. I understand my ex is moving on, never recovered over our issues ( we went to several conselors, separate and together, all failures). So, she did everything to become independent, education, career ( top 10% realtors in our area), financially and such and is moving on. And she no longer needs me anymore, except for the kids sake. She now doesnt have to take care of her kids, and she can just be herself and do things for herself. Envious I tell ya. But this just burns my britches. The kids will see me in a different light, when I dont bend to the B Days and other holidays.. Dang
You have three active threads so you might want to link the other two here and ask the moderators to lock the other two - it's just a little difficult to keep track of the various comments, that's all.
Speaking of...from the other thread:
Originally Posted by Mach40
Reconciliation was once in someones head, but never brought forward. She said if I had done one thing years ago, we would not be divorced. Again, communication.
I hope you don't believe this. If she really wanted to reconcile, she could've and would've. One mistake or miscommunication from years ago wasn't the make or break, so don't go blaming yourself like it was.
With all the recent posts/threads I get the sense you're spinning with the news ExW is dating someone. You've known for quite some time it was possible and perhaps probably, but that was an abstract idea and now it's a concrete real-world fact you have to address. I think it's completely normal to get upset, anger, spin, not want to see the new guy let alone share birthdays/holidays with him...even if he wasn't an AP. It's still fresh/raw for you. That's ok.
I thought it was appropriate of you to discuss holiday and birthday plans with your daughters and come to an understanding of split Thanksgivings and Christmas gatherings. Understand if they want to have a shared 6th birthday party for granddaughter, but don't think it's too much to ask them (or your ExW) to leave the new guy off that invite list, being fresh off the divorce and having only dated their mom for two weeks. If he's around in another year maybe it'll be easier at the 7th birthday party.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
BL42, Thnx for the comments. Yes, its all fresh and it hurts/angers me. You are very well grounded and understanding in your statements. I think this may have been the catalyst to move forward. I dont like the way I feel right now, and I have been acting like her dating would never happen for some time. Now its a reality.. I am going to be needing advice on what worked for people, and what didnt.
PS, I will ask the mods to move together and delete. Thnx
Hey, BL42 brought a good point, I have 3 active threads. Can you combine them and lock two, so I am not taking up so much space and confusing people and myself?
I have merged your two current threads together. We do not recommend starting a new thread until a poster has received 100 postings/replies.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
