Too little too late?

[BL42]

Tarheel,

We maintained a 6 yr long distance relationship (8hrs away) and eventually became engaged.

How did you sustain a relationship over such a far distance for so long? That must've been taxing at times. Did you ever live together for some period? I wonder if the significant time apart led to longing or mystery which being together all the time would not.

We continued to talk through the end of June, then communication stopped.

Who was reaching out through June? Why did the communication stop? Did both of you just stop on your own, or was one of you not responding?

Ex W and AP ended up getting married and live nearby. It took me a while, but I'm actually ok with both of them. The 3 of us ended grabbing drinks after we moved our daughter into college this past spring. I just came to accept that she's not the woman I married.

That has to be a tough pill to swallow. I guess time heals all wounds - or at least softens them - and you're further down the road than me, but I can't image grabbing drinks with my ExW and OM2.

I suppose that's what's most frustrating/confusing to me about this. The man she's still in love with has come back (too late in her mind) saying he wants to give her the thing she wants most, is willing to move 8hrs away from friends, family, his kids and given her age, the situation, etc she's not all for it. We've always talked about how we felt like we were meant to be. I foolishly expected her to be excited when I reached out to her with my change. I know it doesn't work that way though.

Can you put yourself in her situation? Understand you say it's genuine, and don't want feedback there, but in her mind you lived apart and didn't want kids for 6 years and now that it's over and you're alone all of a sudden you're moving for her and want kids? It's fair of her not to trust it's genuine.

I agree w/Traveler your situation is different than others with a WS/WAS and your sudden change of heart likely makes her question her trust in you, but I also lean towards LH you're unlikely to win her back with some grand gesture and that you need to give her space and let her miss you. Imo, she'll either join the dating pool and find someone and be happy, or get frustrated with it and get back in touch with you...but at her age it might be tough to find someone who immediately wants to have kids, if that's what she's looking for.

Do you know that she's not already dating someone? The timeline of May breakup with continued talks through end of June only for communication to be cut off and then responses brief when you reached out later in the Summer and Fall make me wonder if she found someone late June and then got confused by your turn-about in the Fall but decided to stick with the new guy. No clue - just speculating - but the timeline of events sounds suspicious (not that she wouldn't be in her rights to).