Ex W and AP ended up getting married and live nearby. It took me a while, but I'm actually ok with both of them. The 3 of us ended grabbing drinks after we moved our daughter into college this past spring. I just came to accept that she's not the woman I married.
Thanks for the tiniest bit of hope- that's what I'm holding on to. I realize the pain I've put her through. She had made comments during the R that she was ok not having kids and like I said, she was lying to herself and I probably heard what I wanted, so was afraid to ever bring it back up in case she changed her mind. I would have never proposed knowing that. We both accept fault. I will forever feel an extreme amount of guilt for stealing 6 years of her life though.
I suppose that's what's most frustrating/confusing to me about this. The man she's still in love with has come back (too late in her mind) saying he wants to give her the thing she wants most, is willing to move 8hrs away from friends, family, his kids and given her age, the situation, etc she's not all for it. We've always talked about how we felt like we were meant to be. I foolishly expected her to be excited when I reached out to her with my change. I know it doesn't work that way though.
Because of our love for each other, I struggle with going silent or continuing to reach out and maintain a presence in her life. In the call when she told me no, she said that it's not like we can never speak again. I just don't know how that works if she's wanting to move on. She knows how I feel, so I suppose there's nothing more I can say.
