It's completely reasonable not to be friends with your ExW. It's not selfish. It's a healthy boundary. I think you did the right thing about talking to your kids to make sure they understand and are onboard. Maybe have a chat with them about your granddaughters birthday as well, and request ExWs new boyfriend not attend. Seems like they'd be understanding.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I think getting healthy is the priority. I will reiterate it with the girls when I see them again. I need to come up with a plan to start properly healing. I saw a real old thread here about "When are we truly healed" and it is very enlightening. When you travel for work, its hard to get into a solid routine.
post 2937997 has a follow up. Here is the post, its similar but Ex is now dating someone, so I had a follow up conversation with girls and they had one with their Mother.
"The kids and I had a talk, then they talked to their Mother. When I spoke to them, they didnt want to talk about issues between their Mom and I. Fair enough. I went their to speak about upcoming holidays and B Days. Their Mom just started dating someone a couple weeks ago. This is different, as far as her dating, as she introduced him to her Sister, and Father. Seems more serious.( So, my stomach turned immediately, damn it [censored]) I explained to them, I would not be comfortable at any family event if he were there. They agreed, that since we are all adults, we could do A thanksgiving here, Christmas etc. Only one they were concerned about is the youngest Grand Daughter. I am very important to her. But, Ex emailed me and very politely asked if we could do whats good for the kids, and try to do events together for them. She spoke to the girls and they want normalcy. My BIL and his ex always had his ex at every major family event for his kids, and that is their vision too. I see it as they want their Dad to be their with them, and Dad needs to grow up/heal do whatever he needs to do. My Ex is a peace keeper, wants everyone to be happy, always has. She is not a mean person, she is calculated, well educated ( Master in Marketing and PR, interesting huh). Right now my gut hurts. I love my girls, but I dont think I have let her go apparently if this bothers me this much
