Living with a WAW

[BL42]

DW17,

Exercising at home is probably not ideal, but it’s working. I’ve been exercising and eating well most of the year. In January I was the heaviest I’ve ever been so the changes started then, months before BD. Right now I’m the fittest I’ve been since high school and I’m down 70 pounds this year. I want to finish up this Insanity workout and then join a Cross Fit gym.

Working out at a Cross Fit gym would definitely be more social, but good for you for doing it by yourself at home in the meantime. Well done on the 70 pounds! That's incredible. Your biggest challenge going forward is going to be sustaining that routine and improvements. There are plenty of people who came to this forum and lost significant weight on the BD/D diet only to gain it back in a year or two. Be the person who commits to this new healthy eating and regular exercise lifetime to make it a permanent change!

I’ve been trying to plan at least one activity with friends and one with the kids each weekend. I take D4 to the park a few times a week and generally try to stay out of the house on weekends.

Awesome! Friends and kids. Good stuff.

I made sure I was gone last Sunday before W came home in the morning and was able to stay occupied most of the day.

Perfect. You certainly don't need to be around to witness her "walk of shame".

I’ve joined a supporters group for a sports team and plan to attend their events for watching games.

Nice. Great idea.

I’ve reached out to some friends/coworkers about doing things, but nothing is set in stone yet.

It can be tough at first. People have their families and routines and lives. But good for you for reaching out. As you start to get some momentum new plans will begin to materialize.

I’m bad at planning how to ….well GAL I guess. W was always the one that planned stuff like that, so it’s a little foreign to me, and probably part of what led to my lost identity. That will be one of my biggest focal points moving forward.

I hear you. You're not alone there. Time to flex that muscle and get busy!

I hope that separating finances with W allows me the freedom to buy what I want, save money as I see fit and do things that I previously declined to do while trying to make the best financial decisions for my family.

I tried for 3 years to become 100% debt free aside from my mortgage to be able to save money for college/travel/etc. W has always been unwilling to sacrifice for that dream

If you're a saver and she's a spender, I think you'll find post-financial separation you're doing quite fine on your own. Even with the exorbitant check I write ExW each month - think second mortgage, despite me spending more time with the kids than her - I have no trouble saving and investing as much if not more than I did while we were married on my sole income. All of a sudden the multiple Amazon boxes each day stopped arriving and the credit card and target bills plummeted! I even joined a country club and hired a house cleaner and am fine. I never wanted divorce, but the freedom to do it your way can be a plus.

I’d like to go to some concerts.

Go! Even if it's by yourself.

I aspire to be the best father I can be and help guide my youngest through her development in a much better way than I did for the older two. I hope to be the rock of support, especially emotionally, that S19 and D18 did not get from me for a large part of their lives.

You can't change the past, but you can be a better father going forward. Make the change now.

sorry for the sidetrack, but I do dream of traveling.

Then do it! Even if it's by yourself...or take the kids! Experiences > things.