Wolfman moving forward 4

[Wolfman]

So the STFU Smoothie stand is now open for business. Wolfman, do you know what that means? I don't see that posted very much in the areas of the board that I frequent. It basically means take the cotton out of your ears, put it in your mouth and learn how to actively LISTEN. This is a pattern you have with your current gf, exw and also have talked about having with your daughter. I don't know if it's only with your female relationships, or if this also extends to your male friends/family members ... but I bet you do.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Go to therapy. For yourself, because you have hit a bottom with this behavior and sincerely want to improve yourself. Not because it will score you points with exw, daughter, gf, or people here.

Put the focus on yourself.

When you point at others, three fingers are coming back at you.

I could go on.

I'll end with this: it's really hard in this day and age to know what is the right role for male/female in any relationship. Nothing is as clear cut as my parents' generation when the woman took care of home and family and the guy was the breadwinner. Perhaps you would benefit from giving some sincere thought to what you expect your role and her role to be. Really dive deep into that exercise. Then ask her to do the same. Let her come to you when she's finished with her part in it. Really listen to her viewpoint, not with an agenda, but to sincerely learn her expectations.

That's a good start. Mach and others have made excellent points also. But buy the frequent flyer STFU smoothie card. Get it punched early and often. When it fills up, get another.

Hope this helps.

This does help. I am quick to just argue my point and be right. I need to actively listen and really HEAR what they are saying. Having a conversation about our roles might be a really good idea. I think we have very different expectations in this relationship. And like LH has pointed out so many times, lol, that I rushed into this relationship. He is absolutely correct I did, I was broken, not an excuse just explaining that I was not thinking. I am in this and I have to take responsibility and make this relationship right. Not for a week or a month but for longer, see how it goes.
I got my smoothie card and I am ready to start punching it in!!!lol